some_stars: (hearing the whir of the servos inside)
  • this entry will probably be a bunch of disconnected kink-related thoughts

TMI, as usual )
some_stars: (Default)
you know how some people with periods are like “every month I feel like absolute miserable garbage and I never remember why until I start bleeding”? this is turning out to be me with drop. not that severe but today has been like the fourth time that I played and felt great and then the next day moped around unhappily the entire day before realizing, oh yeah, I had a huge endorphin rush last night and that’s why I feel like a squeezed out orange husk today. it is challenging when you’re used to having depression bc obviously I just assume I’m feeling bad bc my brain doesn’t work and hates me, since that’s usually the case. but it’s definitely a relief to realize that this is so temporary.

(I am having some complicated kink feelings but I will wait to unpack them until I’m over this and also am not in bed on my phone I think.)
some_stars: (hearing the whir of the servos inside)
 went to the National Leather Association’s local chapter’s bar night at a leather bar and I was nervous but I had an INCREDIBLE time and stayed longer than I thought I would just chatting with people and doing a little play and watching some play and getting to know a bunch of folks. it was just a great vibe and a great time and my inability to hear any conversation not pointed right at my face and spoken loudly didn’t interfere as badly as I’d feared it might.

will definitely be going back next month and maybe I can tie someone up, since it won’t be my first time ever by then. (I did get to teach a couple people how to do single and double column ties with my whole two months of expertise, lol.) i also got some practice in setting my own private boundaries about who I will play with and what kinds of play, because i met a woman who I will NEVER let tie me up but would happily let her flog me all day long, bc she seems to understand and value safety protocols in that context (and two people whose judgment i trust, one who knows her well, let her hit them), but she hogtied someone without having the slightest idea how to do it safely, and indeed after a few minutes his fingers were losing color and someone had to point that out to her. it wasn't like a dangerous situation bc it was in public and there were people around who knew more and were watching, but i got the feeling she would have done it in private anyway (with his consent, she's not AWFUL, just...unwise). she is a delightful person but I don’t think she gets how dangerous rope can be. or maybe i'm overreacting, idk, i do like her and hope to do impact play with her next time, but rope will not be on the menu until i see her take it seriously.

speaking of which, i met another rigger (alas a cishet man so not on my personal radar of People I Could Ask, but a great guy) and someone who wants to be a rigger who i would LOVE to be tied by someday and volunteered to be their test dummy, so things are looking up on that front!
some_stars: (hearing the whir of the servos inside)
i'm studying some basic ties very intensely trying to prepare to tie my play partner in a couple weeks (since i obviously cannot practice arm ties on myself) and what i've mainly done is drive myself completely mad with how much i want someone to tie me up...there is a possibility it will happen at the party next weekend but also it may not, because i only know one rope top enough to ask them to play and i'm not even 100% sure they'll be there. but i want it SO bad and i'm losing my mind a little bit. i still have never had both my hands tied at once and i'm absolutely starving for it, even just having one hand tied put me in the happiest glowingest space...i want more :(
some_stars: (hearing the whir of the servos inside)
i had my first play date with someone and (not counting some pretty brief play at the last party) did impact play and a bit of d/s for the first time and it was FANTASTIC.

Read more... )
some_stars: (cooking!)
so this recipe started as this but i have changed it sufficiently that i feel like it's mine now and therefore will share it

INGREDIENTS

For the spaghetti and pork:

1 lb. ground pork (if you have one of those supermarket packages that's like 1.17 or 1.21 pounds or w/e that's fine)
1 2" piece fresh ginger, peeled and grated in a daikon grater (or chopped finely but the daikon grater is cheap and so much easier)
1 head of garlic, thinly sliced (2/3 for the pork, 1/3 for the greens)
1.5 Tbsp. sugar
~2 Tbsp. tomato paste
~1 oz basil
1/4 to 1/3 cup sambal oelek
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup unseasoned rice vinegar
1 lb spaghetti

For the greens (i have never once measured any of this):

Greens--i use the pre-chopped bagged kind that come in 1 lb bags, and if i have half of a second bag leftover i throw that in too bc i really like greens. my fave for this is turnip but mustard and collard work fine too
a little sesame oil (depending how much you like it)
1.5-2 TBSP tian mian jiang/sweet bean paste (depending how much greens you're using, also see below for substitutions)
~2 TBSP sambal oelek (you can use more if you like it spicy)
~1/4 c. soy sauce
Garlic (see above)

Substitution: if you can't get sweet bean paste, you can use 1 TBSP gochujang with 1 TBSP of brown sugar and it'll be very similar. it's shelf-stable before being opened though so you can order it online if you want it.

STEPS

1. Start the water boiling for the spaghetti. In another large pot, heat a neutral oil, then add the pork and salt it a little. Cook it undisturbed until it's browned and hopefully a little caramelized on the bottom (if you don't get that though it's not a big deal), then stir it up and cook it a bit more.

2. Add the ginger, 2/3 of the head of sliced garlic, and the sugar, cook until fragrant (a couple minutes).

3. Add the tomato paste and a couple whole sprigs of basil. Cook for a couple minutes, then stir all together.

4. Add the soy sauce, vinegar, sambal, and two cups of water. Bring to a boil, then simmer.

5. Whenever the water reaches boiling, add the spaghetti. Cook it until it's slightly underdone (just shy of al dente). Reserve a cup of pasta cooking water, then drain the spaghetti and immediately--while there's still water clinging to the noodles--add it to the pork and liquid. The idea is to finish cooking in this liquid (plus some pasta water if needed). Cook it uncovered on medium heat until most of the liquid is gone and the spaghetti is fully cooked.

6. Meanwhile, heat some neutral oil in the pot used for the spaghetti. Add however much sesame oil you want--it's very strong, so I usually go with 2-3 shakes of the little bottle. When it's hot, add remaining garlic, tian mian jiang, and sambal. Cook on medium for a couple minutes, being careful not to burn the garlic.

7. Add soy sauce, then add the greens, a little pasta water, and a little salt. If you prepped your own greens, add the stems first, cover and cook until they start to get tender, then add the leaves--if you're using the bagged greens just add the whole bag. Cover and cook for about ten minutes (stirring halfway), until the stems are tender enough to eat (you can taste a leaf too and make sure it's good). The time is wildly variable here and depends on how much water you use, your stove, etc. so just cook until it's good. Turn the heat up and cook on high for a minute or two to reduce the liquid.

8. While greens are cooking, chop the rest of your basil--you want like a handful of it. When spaghetti is done, turn off the heat, add chopped basil, and stir to mix it all up. Serve spaghetti and pork alongside greens, or mix the greens in, whichever you like.
 
some_stars: (hearing the whir of the servos inside)
So one of the most strange and delightful things about getting involved with the kink scene IRL has been developing new kinks of my own, including things I thought I was definitely not into.

Read more... )
some_stars: (hearing the whir of the servos inside)
 so i have been spending a lot of time doing and thinking about kink lately and especially rope, and mostly only talking about it on discord bc it’s not that I mind if people on twitter know this stuff but it feels kind of impolite to thrust it onto people’s timelines. and someone was like “you could make posts on DW” and that is so obviously the solution. so yeah. 

Read more... )
some_stars: (fitzaphor)
i just saw a play and i feel like it is relevant to MANY people's interests here, so: if you would like to watch a witty tragic romance between shakespeare and marlowe, in the form of an intense two-man play that i'd give a B+ (extremely solid, moments of greatness, one terrible misstep), it's called Born With Teeth and a film of it will be available for rental here (or thereabouts) in june after it closes. i recommend it! despite the misstep! it was pretty much everything i wanted from the premise, including the kissing parts.
some_stars: (comforting thought)
brief ketamine update: thank u for the sympathies; i felt normal by the time i went home and i had a shower and did some laundry and felt much better, and i'm gonna do the whole thing again on tuesday. but i will take an anti-nausea pill first and make sure to pee RIGHT before and also, tbh, i will be wearing the reusable incontinence panties i bought for use on airplanes (the other public place i tend to vomit and therefore pee). gonna come PREPARED for this bitch. good news is i don't feel at all sorry about not having time to take an edible this week or next week bc i have had ENOUGH of being high, thank you very much. cold unfiltered reality only for me for the foreseeable future.

(the other thing is, aside from causing nausea, the nasal spray tastes REALLY bad and also burns and it got into my throat so i threw up immediately, unexpectedly, and all over myself, which lent a certain special shittiness to the entire endeavor thereafter. ruined a brand new shirt, alas.)

some_stars: (body horror)
 taking ketamine for depression: it may work (remains to be seen) but holy shit what a wildly unpleasant process. i threw up three times and peed myself and cried and I still have an hour before I can go home. like it is absolutely still ketamine that gets you incredibly fucking high in the worst way possible 
some_stars: (hearing the whir of the servos inside)
so i have been distracted from perfume by, among other things, getting abruptly and delightfully involved in the local queer kink scene. i went to a munch and then another munch and then a play party held by the local chapter of the national leather association, and then a shibari class the next day where i got tied up for the first time and fell absolutely wildly in love with rope, which i have now purchased a beginning quantity of (but not picked up yet--that's tomorrow evening at the weekly kink/rope night at a club; if i had the rope now i would be practicing knots and not on the computer).

everyone has been really really nice and supportive and it's been absolutely life-changing to see so many fat and middle-aged people being THEMSELVES, sexual and weird and kind and magical. i am so happy, i've just been so happy since the party friday night, i feel like i've found the path my life is supposed to be on and i am absolutely dying to get tied again tomorrow night and experience more bliss. it's all going to be complicated and difficult because there will be people and names and faces i have to actually remember, but--coincidentally--i am ALSO starting esketamine treatment this week, so fingers crossed that it works and helps the depression and associated cognitive deficiencies, such as my abysmal memory and inability to learn new things (like, say, knots).
some_stars: (snake with robot arms holding a shoe)
i got distracted for a week or so but! i have worn more perfume!

  1. It turns out I DO still like several of my BPAL imps--Druid, Half-Elf, and Cleric are all excellent, although too quiet for my taste. In fairness those are the ones I most thought I would like, so we'll see how Chaotic, Gnome, and Lust work out for me. Cleric in particular is INCREDIBLE, rose + incense + balsam and it smells exactly as described on the tin. Half-Elf was VERY weak and short-lived but nice while it lasted--I described it as "green and clean but in a shaggy way" and I find that very appealing.
  2. I found another perfume that is strong and lasts forever on me; unfortunately my notes describe it as "mildly pleasant" but at least it's SOMETHING. (John Varvatos, JV X NJ) This is one of several scents that "warms up" on me in a way I'm not in love with--sometimes it's nice but i really like that Fresh scent so it's disappointing when it turns into golden woody spiciness.
  3. I somehow ended up with an entire full size bottle of Elie Tahari, I think it was incredibly discounted on amazon or something? Anyway, good thing I like it. Not absolutely crazy about it but it's quite nice--my notes are "citrus, clean floral, clean light woodiness"
  4. At the moment I'm wearing Acqua di Gioia and it's very nice. About a 3.5/5 I think, where a 3 is "I like this more than I dislike it." The first 30 seconds are VERY very sweet and I was Afraid but then it calms down.

also I bought 5 ml decants of Stella and Oud Ispahan but now I am scared to wear them lmao. definitely my favorites so far (except for Hermetica Darkoud which is tied w/the other oud, but not on decant sites). trying to convince myself that i SHOULD wear them bc they're only going to get more expensive and hard to obtain so i should make the most of it while i can reasonably get more. but. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

my giveaway list so far:
  • Parfum d'Empire, Fougere Bengale EDP
  • Gentlemen's Tonic, Junzi EDT
  • Papillon, Spell 125
  • West Third Brand, Leather Rose
  • YSL, Black Opium
  • Viktor & Rolf, Flowerbomb
  • YSL, La Nuit de L'Homme EDT
  • Carthusia, Numero Uno EDP
  • Oriza Legrand, Scotch Lavender EDP
  • Atelier Cologne, Rose Anonyme
i'm not gonna start mailing stuff until i've tried and disliked several more, UNLESS someone wants literally all of these in which case HMU. they all have at least a couple applications left in them and some have.......more than that. which may or may not be a threat. (rose anonyme is so goddamn BAD, y'all.)
some_stars: (snake with robot arms holding a shoe)
i am accumulating a significant collection of perfumes that don't work for me; sometime soon i'll post a list and see if anybody wants them.

successes since my last post:
  • hermetica, darkoud: this is bliss, intense oud/wicca store vibes and it lasts FOREVER on me. not available on the decant sites but the website does sell relatively large (1.5 ml) samples for five bucks each so i will definitely get like four of those at some point
  • robert piguet, fracas (modern): i enjoyed this one but my final notes were "this is slightly excessive" so i have to admit defeat before the Tuberose Bomb. still gonna wear it though
  • hermes, Un Jardin Sur Le Nil: absolutely delightful, green and wet in a bright sunny way. on the larger-decant wishlist for sure
  • Frederic Malle, Lys Mediterranee: ohhhh this was dangerously lovely, apparently i really like lilies. i smelled none of the other notes and it stayed the same the whole time but that's fine bc it was great
  • azzaro, pour homme: citrus leather that evolves into sandalwood, i love it
  • givenchy, gentleman: also very leather-forward with fruit notes, which is a FASCINATING combination that i like

interesting failures:
  • papillon, spell 125: my notes on application include "compellingly ugly" and my one-hour-later note is, in its entirety, "what the fuck". not keeping this one but it was an Experience
  • Parfum d'Empire, Fougere Bengale EDP: this smells like curry powder on me. like literally exactly like a jar of curry powder from the supermarket. what

also i did confirm that i do indeed still hate flowerbomb and black opium, which is nice to know.
some_stars: (sequitur)
fyi i have uploaded my perfume spreadsheet (the list of what i have is current but the rest is not bc the real spreadsheet lives on my computer) so please feel free to recommend what i should try. on the docket for tomorrow (i was gonna try them tonight but it turns out hermetica darkoud lasts FOREVER on me, which is good since i love it) is the "masculine lavender" sampler from surrender to chance, and if those are all gone when i'm done with work i will do the "aromatic fougere" sampler.

others i will try soon:
  • Frederic Malle, Lys Mediterranee
  • Papillon, Spell 125
  • Hermes, Terre D'Hermes
  • Robert Piguet, Fracas (the modern one)
  • Flowerbomb and Black Opium bc i want to see if i still hate them
  • all my BPAL imps (Chaotic, Cleric, Druid, Gnome, Half-Elf, and for some reason also Lust) bc i want to see if i still mostly dislike them

and i welcome other suggestions...my collection so far is like 80% random samples i got from sephora or mixed lots on ebay, and i want to try Everything except sweet food scents, which are super gross to me. if it smells like a cupcake i want NO part of it. but i want to try everything Else, and honestly i like p much everything else so far?? favorite general families so far are florals, oud, and green/herbal/woodsy scents. also i tried one (Rain Day) that was nicely green for a couple hours and then suddenly morphed into smelling EXACTLY like the beach and it was so delightfully strange. like not just the ocean but A Day At The Beach. sand, sunscreen, ocean, seaweed, sun, seagulls, etc., absolutely wild
some_stars: (snake with robot arms holding a shoe)
so the samples i got from surrender to chance arrived today (well, the first order i placed arrived today, there's another on the way bc i have a Problem) and also i have tried several others in the meantime. i still have enough different scents that i could sample another one every single day until may before running out, which is also the date i have set as the soonest i'm allowed to buy any new samples. (i am gonna buy larger decants of a few that i really love, especially if they're a discontinued scent. but nothing new!)

more general thoughts: i would KILL for a perfume with higher(??) sillage. also for one that lasts more than a couple hours. i want to apply perfume and smell it in the back of my mind for the next hour without having to bury my nose in my elbow to huff it. this seems BIZARRELY hard to find. like it know it went too far in the eighties but that was over thirty years ago, surely we can find a middle ground.

some reviews under the cut (rose, "men's" i.e. green/herbal/woodsy, misc.)
Read more... )

scents i'm looking forward to trying soon:

1. flowerbomb and black opium, which i HATED two years ago and i really want to find out if i still hate them

2. Robert Piguet Fracas EDP (modern version), bc anything called white floral has been my favorite so far. i don't dare try the vintage version bc what if i fall in love with it. like StC sells it, but obviously it's Expensive and i would NOT be able to restrain myself

3. the BPAL imps i bought and largely didn't care for a few years ago, which are mostly from the RPG range--i have druid, chaotic, half-elf, cleric, and gnome, plus a random imp of lust

4. i have 75 samples i haven't tried yet (or not in years) so all of them, basically

(to be clear, i only bought about 40 of those in the last month, the rest i accumulated buying too much lipstick from sephora and getting free samples)
some_stars: (how to show a girl a good time)
also the depression is back in a BIG way. approaching early october levels. brought out the big guns yesterday and started a new-to-me discworld book and felt absolutely nothing, you don't get more dead inside than that

(under the cut: suicide talk but it's not immediately imminent/dangerous)
Read more... )
some_stars: (cooking!)
adapted a mark bittman recipe to make it more interesting (with help from friends) so im recording the results here for posterity. it was EXTREMELY good.

BRAISED PORK AND TURNIPS

Ingredients:
1 TBSP neutral oil
1 TBSP butter
~1.5 lbs pork shoulder, cut into 1 inch pieces
4-5 reasonably sized turnips, peeled and cut into roughly 1.5 inch pieces (it doesn’t really matter, just make them at least as big as the pork pieces so they don’t cook down to mush)
1 onion, diced (or whatever)
5 cloves garlic, smashed
1.5 tsp dried thyme
1 cup of white wine or chicken broth
1/2 cup chopped parsley (more is fine too)
1 tablespoon dijon mustard

Steps:

1. Heat a big pot/Dutch oven on medium high for 2 minutes. Add the oil and butter. When it’s hot, add the onions. Cook until they’re softened but not fully soft. (This isn’t too important; they get very soft in the braise no matter what.) Remove most of it and put in a bowl.

2. Add a little more oil if you need it, get it hot, and add the pork and salt it. Turn heat to HIGH and brown it undisturbed for five minutes. Give it a stir to turn the pieces and brown for 3 more minutes. You don’t have to brown the entire surface, just get a good amount of browning in there. Remove and put in a bowl.

3. With the stove still on high, add a little more oil if you need it, get it hot, and add the turnips, salting them too. Brown for 5 minutes, but don’t worry about getting all sides or getting it super deep brown. Also at this point you can throw the smashed garlic in, or do it in the next step with the thyme; either way works.

4. Make a little space on the bottom of the pot, adding a bit more oil (and heating it) if necessary. Add thyme, stir into the oil (NOT into the turnips—just get it all submerged and oily) and cook for 1-2 minutes. You can turn the stove down a bit here to avoid burning it, if you need to.

5. Stir to mix up the thyme and turnips. Add back the meat and onions. Add the liquid and half your chopped parsley, stir a bit, then turn to medium low and cover.

6. Check back in 15 minutes. If it’s boiling hard (not just simmering), turn it down to low. Give it a stir and cover again, then stir again in 30 minutes and again 30 minutes after that.

7. By now the pork should be yielding/tender when you test it with a fork. (If it’s not, keep cooking and check back every 15 minutes until it is.) Uncover, turn heat to high, and boil until the liquid is reduced enough that it’s syrupy or at least almost. (I can never seem to reduce things that much and it’s not a big deal, as long as it’s at least somewhat thicker than it was.)

8. Stir in a tablespoon of Dijon. Taste and add salt/pepper as needed. Top with rest of parsley and serve (ideally with a salad).
some_stars: (snake with robot arms holding a shoe)
whole lot of stuff has happened (HORRIFIC depression that seems to be lifting, compulsive and out of control retail therapy that...is still happening and may be the reason i feel less depressed, gross finger injury last night that required cauterization by silver nitrate which hurts SO FUCKING BAD) but i would like to discuss perfume!

i've been cultivating a perfume sample collection since 2019, when i got into lipstick and started making a lot of orders from sephora where they give you 2 free samples w each order and i always chose the perfume bc i don't use other makeup or skincare. and over the past month i've been getting more into it, and today i finally made the spreadsheet ive been meaning to make so i can test and record each one, and it turns out i have 46 of them now.....i ordered some random sample lots on ebay yesterday so i will soon have a dozen more. and i made an account on fragrantica and basically i'm WAY too into this for someone who can't afford to buy more than one or two 1.7 oz bottles a year and also never gets close enough to another human to be smelled anyway.

[personal profile] rydra_wong are you still into perfume? is anyone else into perfume? i really want to learn more about how to describe things and interesting weird ones to try and also just talk about it bc i feel like this is a topic i could get VERY nerdy about. i'd also love to learn about smaller niche less ruinously expensive brands, lmao

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