fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2022-06-02 08:26 pm
some_stars) wrote2022-06-02 08:26 pm
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i had my first play date with someone and (not counting some pretty brief play at the last party) did impact play and a bit of d/s for the first time and it was FANTASTIC.
it was a really, really satisfying mix of "pain that feels good" (where like, it registers as pain but only in the most academic way and mostly just feels directly pleasurable) and "pain that actually hurts but i'll endure it to be good", which i think i have mentioned i had NO idea was something i would want but so extremely is. to the point that--there was one toy that she used that i had to tap out of because it hurt so fucking bad, and two days later here i am texting her "i bet i could take that one if we did it like XYZ" and laying out the outline of a scene to frame it (a preset, known number of hits to get through and a general "i want you to take this so be a good girl" framework). like part of me is going to regret this but the idea of being able to do something i absolutely hate and want to stop doing, to make her happy, is just completely intoxicating and also really really hot to me.
i had asked for the really awful toy because i wanted her to push me, and after i had to call stop on that particular thing she found a way to do it anyway that i absolutely loved--she had a playlist on, and after almost half an hour of beating the crap out of me when i was already hurting, she started hitting me with something--i can't remember what but it was pretty seriously stingy (which is my kryptonite) but not quite as bad as The Evil Thing. and i was squirming and panting and making various undignified noises and she told me, just until the end of this song, you can take it until the end of this song, can't you? which was a delicious mindfuck because i did not KNOW the song and had no idea how long it was, and i laughed a little hysterically and said, okay, yes, and then i did it and i felt AMAZING. i want to feel like that forever, all the time.
we can't meet up again for three weeks because my parents are visiting (and i truly do not know what i'll do from october through april when i live with them again and can't have people over to do very loud things to me), but the next time we meet i'm going to tie her up, which will be my second time tying another person after a very brief attempt in rope class over a month ago. i do not think this first time is going to be very sexy, it's going to be me going really slow and alternating between too tight and too loose, but i am looking forward to getting to tie on someone else in a more relaxed environment--what i really really want is to get tied up but even so, i think it'll be a lot of fun to top someone or at least start getting in practice to be able to top someone. i would love to find out if i actually am a switch, because i think i am but just extremely lacking in confidence? it's so much less intimidating to let someone top you when you don't know what you're doing. but when she mentioned ways that she likes to be tortured when she's restrained i felt very Into It, so we'll see.
it was a really, really satisfying mix of "pain that feels good" (where like, it registers as pain but only in the most academic way and mostly just feels directly pleasurable) and "pain that actually hurts but i'll endure it to be good", which i think i have mentioned i had NO idea was something i would want but so extremely is. to the point that--there was one toy that she used that i had to tap out of because it hurt so fucking bad, and two days later here i am texting her "i bet i could take that one if we did it like XYZ" and laying out the outline of a scene to frame it (a preset, known number of hits to get through and a general "i want you to take this so be a good girl" framework). like part of me is going to regret this but the idea of being able to do something i absolutely hate and want to stop doing, to make her happy, is just completely intoxicating and also really really hot to me.
i had asked for the really awful toy because i wanted her to push me, and after i had to call stop on that particular thing she found a way to do it anyway that i absolutely loved--she had a playlist on, and after almost half an hour of beating the crap out of me when i was already hurting, she started hitting me with something--i can't remember what but it was pretty seriously stingy (which is my kryptonite) but not quite as bad as The Evil Thing. and i was squirming and panting and making various undignified noises and she told me, just until the end of this song, you can take it until the end of this song, can't you? which was a delicious mindfuck because i did not KNOW the song and had no idea how long it was, and i laughed a little hysterically and said, okay, yes, and then i did it and i felt AMAZING. i want to feel like that forever, all the time.
we can't meet up again for three weeks because my parents are visiting (and i truly do not know what i'll do from october through april when i live with them again and can't have people over to do very loud things to me), but the next time we meet i'm going to tie her up, which will be my second time tying another person after a very brief attempt in rope class over a month ago. i do not think this first time is going to be very sexy, it's going to be me going really slow and alternating between too tight and too loose, but i am looking forward to getting to tie on someone else in a more relaxed environment--what i really really want is to get tied up but even so, i think it'll be a lot of fun to top someone or at least start getting in practice to be able to top someone. i would love to find out if i actually am a switch, because i think i am but just extremely lacking in confidence? it's so much less intimidating to let someone top you when you don't know what you're doing. but when she mentioned ways that she likes to be tortured when she's restrained i felt very Into It, so we'll see.