fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2012-08-08 12:58 am
some_stars) wrote2012-08-08 12:58 am
Entry tags:
not even remotely a fic
nor technically a chatfic, since it was done in email. but that is the general spirit of the thing.
okay, so, shortly after getting into Teen Wolf (ie, before 2x10 aired) I wrote most of a story that was supposed to be Scott/Stiles but ended up being "they kiss, feelings are fraught, then Stiles and his dad have some major emotions." Also I couldn't come up with a good beginning, and also also I misremembered a few details when writing it and so didn't feel like going back to fix them when the whole thing was jossed a thousand ways anyway. BUT, the main thing is, it contained the scene of my heart where Stiles, prompted by emotional extremity, grabs Scott and kisses him, and Scott is basically "...what just happened on my mouth" and Stiles immediately shuts down and shoves him away because he KNOWS the kind rejection is coming and he just cannot even deal.
So I didn't post that, but it remained in my heart, and then tonight I was talking tounlovablehands about ALL MY SCOTT/STILES FEELINGS ALL OF THEM, and I sort of...made a thing. It's basically a chatfic committed in larger chunks, and I wouldn't post it except it is fucking impossible to find Scott/Stiles in this fandom, so if you have enormous heart-consuming feeeeeelings about them, IDK, you might enjoy it. Also somehow me and Ang's headcanon about Stiles's proto-BDSM feelings found their way in there. (It's 100% canon-supported!) So, enjoy, or probably don't since most of you have quite sensibly avoided Teen Wolf.
Oh also there are BIG SPOILERS for 2x08 and 2x09 under the cuts. Pretty much all of them in the first paragraph actually.
The unposted fic with no beginning would start, if it had a beginning, after 2x09, with Scott coming to freak out at Stiles because he found out Allison's mom is dead but she refuses to have any contact with him, and also of course Stiles's dad is still fired, and there has been all kinds of trauma for everyone, and basically TOO MANY BAD FEELINGS going around. So they say stuff and Stiles gets suddenly, irrationally, fiercely angry and then:
He grabs Scott’s hoodie, two soft fistfuls, and shoves him back against the headboard and kisses him. It’s hard and ugly and the worst kiss in the history of people mashing their faces together, and Scott is frozen all the way through it.
Stiles uncurls his fists and sits back, then stands up. Scott’s just--lying there, sprawled back, his mouth half-open and his breath coming faster and just generally being an all-around gut-wrenchingly attractive specimen of teenage werewolf. Stiles wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Sorry,” he says.
“Stiles--”
“Could you just--go?” His voice cracks, as though this whole situation wasn’t humiliating enough. If Scott would just get up off his bed, at least, maybe he could get his brain functioning again. Right now his thoughts are coming faster than he can understand them, and that’s when he does things like this. Though there’s never been any decision quite this bad before.
“I didn’t know,” Scott says. At least he’s sitting up straight again.
“Of course you didn’t know,” Stiles snaps. “I’ve put a lot of effort into making sure you didn’t know, so if you can just leave and we’ll write this off as the result of really just a lot of stress, most of which was your fault, by the way, but how about you just--”
“No, hey,” Scott leans forward, lifting an arm like he’s going to reach out to Stiles and touch him and-- “We can talk about this, it’s okay.”
It’s that outstretched arm that makes him snap, the way Scott doesn’t even have the decency not to take this so--so fucking gracefully, and kindly, and open-mindedly, when it’s all going to end in the same place as if he’d freaked out and punched Stiles in the face.
“There’s nothing to talk about! What, are you going to start cheating on Allison with me before her mom is even cold in the ground? Really great boyfriend material, there, Scott. I have no idea why she keeps breaking up with you.”
Apparently that’s the line between Scott McCall, super understanding heterosexual BFF, and Scott McCall, angry werewolf dickbag. Scott doesn’t actually wolf out, but his face clenches the way it does right before he changes, and he shoves himself off the bed and stalks over to the window.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Stiles calls after him. “Who needs you! Go run to your little girlfriend!” Which is stupid, because Stiles really likes Allison, and he’s just made it as agonizingly clear as possible that he does need Scott, he needs him way too much. But he has to yell something.
at which point the story suddenly becomes about him and his dad, and is extremely overwrought and will not be shared here. But obviously the appeal of this setup to me is not just the sudden unwilling revelation of feelings, but the part afterwards where feelings are dealt with. Which I did not write, but expounded upon in a form slightly resembling a fic, in a series of emails, thusly:
1.
I think I need to write a continuation to that fic I can't post because jossed on all fronts, where Scott is all DETERMINED to deal with this kissing thing and Stiles is like NO DAMMIT GO AWAY i have too many feeeeeelings, because he KNOWS he's going to be gently rejected and when Scott says "we're still friends, dude, i still love you" he'll MEAN it and that will be the worst, somehow the worst pain ever.
except then obviously it ends in kisses and poly.
2.
oh god okay and THEN, finally Scott corners him, probably using wolf powers, and he's all "dude, you can't just not talk to me forever."
and Stiles is like YES I CAN I WAS DOING PRETTY GREAT AT IT
and Scott's face falls, just--it's like watching someone's heart break, and his EYES, and Stiles--he's programmed to respond to that face, okay, he's spent YEARS taking care of Scott when he looks like that and now it's his fault and everything is such a mess. And he softens a little, gets a little less stiff and just sort of sags because, of course he can't hold out. Pride, whatever, this is Scott.
and Scott picks up on that right away and he smiles, it's kind of weak but still a smile, puts a hand on Stiles' shoulder--like it's nothing, like nothing's changed--Stiles should pull away from it. Or go stiff. He shouldn't relax into the touch, he shouldn't do a lot of things but there he goes. Scott smiles more.
"Come on, man. You're my best friend. I need you, okay? And I--I'm sorry, if I, if I hurt you, if I said something wrong?"
and he clearly doesn't know WHAT he might have done wrong, but he's convinced he DID--that somehow he's driven Stiles away, that he's been a Bad Friend.
and Stiles is like, "dude. No, you didn't--*I'm* sorry, okay? I shouldn't have done that, I was totally out of line. And everything's messed up now and it's my fault just because I couldn't--" couldn't what, though? He can't actually--he can't say it, not out loud, here at school, not to Scott. And there's also the little problem that deep down, where everything is selfish and angry, he's not sorry. Not one little bit.
But Scott is shaking his head, eyes wide, looking like a really concerned puppy, which is not cheesy to think because Stiles thought that about him before he became a werewolf. "Dude, I told you, it's *okay.* We can talk about it! I'm not, like, mad or anything, I just didn't know and--you know, everything was really messed up that night--"
"I *know*," getting a little too loud now, "I know it was messed up, do you think I would have kissed you if everything wasn't so fucked?"
ANYWAY, shit happens, because I'm not ACTUALLY writing this fic, and eventually Scott is like, "you *are* angry at me, dude, I think I know when my best friend is pissed with me," and then he sort of thinks for a second, careful thought, and then, "do you want to hit me?"
and Stiles is like WHAT. NO. WHAT.
"It's just, last time you were this angry at me you kind of...got it out of your system. And then we were okay. Although I'm gonna have to, uh, no lacrosse balls this time, dude, that shit hurt."
and then Stiles has pants feelings, but does not end up hitting Scott, at least not until the sex scene.
3.
i have to say though i am really enjoying the idea of stiles taking him up on this offer, against his better judgment and also his conscience, just kind of...deliriously going along with it because this can't be happening. and they go somewhere more private, maybe even to one of their homes, and it's all awkward and weirdly ritualistic and then finally he just punches scott in the stomach, harder than he thought he was going to do it. and scott sort of melts to the floor and groans and swears to a level that is uncharacteristic for him! and stiles is all OH MY GOD I'M SORRY WHAT AM I DOING I'M SORRY HIT ME BACK PLEASE.
and he kneels down next to scott, and touches his arm, and then his face, and he's really starting to worry because didn't Houdini die from getting punched in the stomach, oh my god, what if he KILLED SCOTT and this whole mess was his fault ANYWAY and he is feeling all the horrible wretched guilt, and also still kind of petting Scott's face. and then Scott smiles--slightly red-eyed but not actually crying, and the smile is wavery but huge.
"dude, you are fucking fierce," he says, and Stiles can't make words, and Scott is beaming at him because yay they're friends again, and still curled around his stomach and maybe a tear or two is escaping--and he kisses him again. both hands on his face, just frantic and hungry and Scott makes a noise that's startled but not afraid and the arm that's not curled around his midsection goes up to grab Stiles' neck and hold on, just hold on to him.
THE END WHAT JUST HAPPENED
okay, so, shortly after getting into Teen Wolf (ie, before 2x10 aired) I wrote most of a story that was supposed to be Scott/Stiles but ended up being "they kiss, feelings are fraught, then Stiles and his dad have some major emotions." Also I couldn't come up with a good beginning, and also also I misremembered a few details when writing it and so didn't feel like going back to fix them when the whole thing was jossed a thousand ways anyway. BUT, the main thing is, it contained the scene of my heart where Stiles, prompted by emotional extremity, grabs Scott and kisses him, and Scott is basically "...what just happened on my mouth" and Stiles immediately shuts down and shoves him away because he KNOWS the kind rejection is coming and he just cannot even deal.
So I didn't post that, but it remained in my heart, and then tonight I was talking to
unlovablehands about ALL MY SCOTT/STILES FEELINGS ALL OF THEM, and I sort of...made a thing. It's basically a chatfic committed in larger chunks, and I wouldn't post it except it is fucking impossible to find Scott/Stiles in this fandom, so if you have enormous heart-consuming feeeeeelings about them, IDK, you might enjoy it. Also somehow me and Ang's headcanon about Stiles's proto-BDSM feelings found their way in there. (It's 100% canon-supported!) So, enjoy, or probably don't since most of you have quite sensibly avoided Teen Wolf.Oh also there are BIG SPOILERS for 2x08 and 2x09 under the cuts. Pretty much all of them in the first paragraph actually.
The unposted fic with no beginning would start, if it had a beginning, after 2x09, with Scott coming to freak out at Stiles because he found out Allison's mom is dead but she refuses to have any contact with him, and also of course Stiles's dad is still fired, and there has been all kinds of trauma for everyone, and basically TOO MANY BAD FEELINGS going around. So they say stuff and Stiles gets suddenly, irrationally, fiercely angry and then:
He grabs Scott’s hoodie, two soft fistfuls, and shoves him back against the headboard and kisses him. It’s hard and ugly and the worst kiss in the history of people mashing their faces together, and Scott is frozen all the way through it.
Stiles uncurls his fists and sits back, then stands up. Scott’s just--lying there, sprawled back, his mouth half-open and his breath coming faster and just generally being an all-around gut-wrenchingly attractive specimen of teenage werewolf. Stiles wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Sorry,” he says.
“Stiles--”
“Could you just--go?” His voice cracks, as though this whole situation wasn’t humiliating enough. If Scott would just get up off his bed, at least, maybe he could get his brain functioning again. Right now his thoughts are coming faster than he can understand them, and that’s when he does things like this. Though there’s never been any decision quite this bad before.
“I didn’t know,” Scott says. At least he’s sitting up straight again.
“Of course you didn’t know,” Stiles snaps. “I’ve put a lot of effort into making sure you didn’t know, so if you can just leave and we’ll write this off as the result of really just a lot of stress, most of which was your fault, by the way, but how about you just--”
“No, hey,” Scott leans forward, lifting an arm like he’s going to reach out to Stiles and touch him and-- “We can talk about this, it’s okay.”
It’s that outstretched arm that makes him snap, the way Scott doesn’t even have the decency not to take this so--so fucking gracefully, and kindly, and open-mindedly, when it’s all going to end in the same place as if he’d freaked out and punched Stiles in the face.
“There’s nothing to talk about! What, are you going to start cheating on Allison with me before her mom is even cold in the ground? Really great boyfriend material, there, Scott. I have no idea why she keeps breaking up with you.”
Apparently that’s the line between Scott McCall, super understanding heterosexual BFF, and Scott McCall, angry werewolf dickbag. Scott doesn’t actually wolf out, but his face clenches the way it does right before he changes, and he shoves himself off the bed and stalks over to the window.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Stiles calls after him. “Who needs you! Go run to your little girlfriend!” Which is stupid, because Stiles really likes Allison, and he’s just made it as agonizingly clear as possible that he does need Scott, he needs him way too much. But he has to yell something.
at which point the story suddenly becomes about him and his dad, and is extremely overwrought and will not be shared here. But obviously the appeal of this setup to me is not just the sudden unwilling revelation of feelings, but the part afterwards where feelings are dealt with. Which I did not write, but expounded upon in a form slightly resembling a fic, in a series of emails, thusly:
1.
I think I need to write a continuation to that fic I can't post because jossed on all fronts, where Scott is all DETERMINED to deal with this kissing thing and Stiles is like NO DAMMIT GO AWAY i have too many feeeeeelings, because he KNOWS he's going to be gently rejected and when Scott says "we're still friends, dude, i still love you" he'll MEAN it and that will be the worst, somehow the worst pain ever.
except then obviously it ends in kisses and poly.
2.
oh god okay and THEN, finally Scott corners him, probably using wolf powers, and he's all "dude, you can't just not talk to me forever."
and Stiles is like YES I CAN I WAS DOING PRETTY GREAT AT IT
and Scott's face falls, just--it's like watching someone's heart break, and his EYES, and Stiles--he's programmed to respond to that face, okay, he's spent YEARS taking care of Scott when he looks like that and now it's his fault and everything is such a mess. And he softens a little, gets a little less stiff and just sort of sags because, of course he can't hold out. Pride, whatever, this is Scott.
and Scott picks up on that right away and he smiles, it's kind of weak but still a smile, puts a hand on Stiles' shoulder--like it's nothing, like nothing's changed--Stiles should pull away from it. Or go stiff. He shouldn't relax into the touch, he shouldn't do a lot of things but there he goes. Scott smiles more.
"Come on, man. You're my best friend. I need you, okay? And I--I'm sorry, if I, if I hurt you, if I said something wrong?"
and he clearly doesn't know WHAT he might have done wrong, but he's convinced he DID--that somehow he's driven Stiles away, that he's been a Bad Friend.
and Stiles is like, "dude. No, you didn't--*I'm* sorry, okay? I shouldn't have done that, I was totally out of line. And everything's messed up now and it's my fault just because I couldn't--" couldn't what, though? He can't actually--he can't say it, not out loud, here at school, not to Scott. And there's also the little problem that deep down, where everything is selfish and angry, he's not sorry. Not one little bit.
But Scott is shaking his head, eyes wide, looking like a really concerned puppy, which is not cheesy to think because Stiles thought that about him before he became a werewolf. "Dude, I told you, it's *okay.* We can talk about it! I'm not, like, mad or anything, I just didn't know and--you know, everything was really messed up that night--"
"I *know*," getting a little too loud now, "I know it was messed up, do you think I would have kissed you if everything wasn't so fucked?"
ANYWAY, shit happens, because I'm not ACTUALLY writing this fic, and eventually Scott is like, "you *are* angry at me, dude, I think I know when my best friend is pissed with me," and then he sort of thinks for a second, careful thought, and then, "do you want to hit me?"
and Stiles is like WHAT. NO. WHAT.
"It's just, last time you were this angry at me you kind of...got it out of your system. And then we were okay. Although I'm gonna have to, uh, no lacrosse balls this time, dude, that shit hurt."
and then Stiles has pants feelings, but does not end up hitting Scott, at least not until the sex scene.
3.
i have to say though i am really enjoying the idea of stiles taking him up on this offer, against his better judgment and also his conscience, just kind of...deliriously going along with it because this can't be happening. and they go somewhere more private, maybe even to one of their homes, and it's all awkward and weirdly ritualistic and then finally he just punches scott in the stomach, harder than he thought he was going to do it. and scott sort of melts to the floor and groans and swears to a level that is uncharacteristic for him! and stiles is all OH MY GOD I'M SORRY WHAT AM I DOING I'M SORRY HIT ME BACK PLEASE.
and he kneels down next to scott, and touches his arm, and then his face, and he's really starting to worry because didn't Houdini die from getting punched in the stomach, oh my god, what if he KILLED SCOTT and this whole mess was his fault ANYWAY and he is feeling all the horrible wretched guilt, and also still kind of petting Scott's face. and then Scott smiles--slightly red-eyed but not actually crying, and the smile is wavery but huge.
"dude, you are fucking fierce," he says, and Stiles can't make words, and Scott is beaming at him because yay they're friends again, and still curled around his stomach and maybe a tear or two is escaping--and he kisses him again. both hands on his face, just frantic and hungry and Scott makes a noise that's startled but not afraid and the arm that's not curled around his midsection goes up to grab Stiles' neck and hold on, just hold on to him.
THE END WHAT JUST HAPPENED
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What I mean is, er, thank you for sharing that. ahem. *arranges clothing w/ what's left of dignity* Thank you very much.
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