some_stars: (kids! stay in school!)
fifty frenchmen can't be wrong ([personal profile] some_stars) wrote2012-08-16 01:03 am

FIC: and you're trying to choke down the feeling (Teen Wolf)

Man, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I entirely blame this ficathon. Also this is very short and extremely emotional and I don't know how to feel about it.

Title: and you're trying to choke down the feeling
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing(s): Derek Hale/Isaac Lahey
Content notes: Makeouts and fade-to-black sex between an adult and a teenager, non-explicit mention of a past abusive relationship. No standard warnings apply; further questions about content are always welcome.
Summary: And you feel like you've done something terrible, and you're tired. He shouldn't be allowing this.

Written for the prompt, Derek/Isaac: "You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you." The prompt, title, and summary are all from You Are Jeff by Richard Siken.

Also available at AO3.


He shouldn't be allowing this.

'Allowing,' that's good. That makes him sound very blameless. Almost the injured party, really. Not at all like he's got his arms wrapped around the teenage boy in his lap, the one trying to kiss his mouth raw. The one he didn't even try to resist, or push away. Derek felt it coming, of course. To be honest, he'd felt it for days, and here in the car, so close, the smell was--overwhelming. Rich and shrill, panicked but steady like the heartbeat it accompanied.

He'd parked the car behind the old warehouse, and straight away he'd heard Isaac's heart hammering at his chest and smelled the sharp rise of fear and need. Hell, he'd even seen it coming, when he turned his head to meet it.

He'd thought he was turning to say, look, I know what's going on, and this can't happen. This has to stop. But when Isaac had moved towards him--almost throwing himself, falling on top of him--all Derek had done was catch him, and let himself be kissed.

Isaac's eager, panting--so young--violent in the way he grabs and pulls and fights with himself to keep touching everywhere without letting go of anywhere. He bites Derek's lip, and moans when he gets bitten back. It's not his first time--Derek knows what he and Erica did; they never bothered to hide and anyway, the smells--but he feels like a boy. Like someone making himself jump off a cliff. That more than anything should make Derek push him away, and pat him in a way he'll mean to be soothing but will only be awkward, and tell him no, no, they can't.

What it actually makes him want to do is give Isaac everything. Isaac's body on top of his radiates fierce heat, and it's long and thin and heavier than it looks, and every part of him wants Derek. The way he's been looking at Derek, these last few weeks--

The worst thing, of course, is that Derek remembers that look. He remembers it on his own face, looking at Kate. Meaning it with his whole heart, wanting to throw himself at her. Into her. Because he'd been sixteen and alone, despite his family so alone, or at least he'd felt that way. He knows what alone really is, now. But back then--she'd caught him, just like this, in her arms that were stronger than they looked. She'd never pushed him away, always let him kiss her too hard and feel her up like a frantic virgin, which he had been. He'd been in love.

Isaac's not him, and he's not Kate, and Isaac won't end this by panting confessions into his throat, interspersing kisses with words like "love" and "forever." But he's young, and alone, and some things--a few things--Derek doesn't need to be told.

Even if deep inside, where he's still sixteen and hungry, he wants to hear them.

The most he can make himself do is gentle it a little. Pull back from the biting, bruising kisses and lick a meandering stripe down Isaac's throat, slide his hands up under Isaac's shirt to pet him with firm, slow strokes. And that's not selfless, either, because it means he gets to hear Isaac's breathless sounds--strangled whimpers, Derek's name. Sounding so loud in this closed little space.

Gradually--as gradual as he can stand, which isn't very--he shifts them back and lays Isaac down as much as can be done; he's so tall that Derek has to open the driver's side door to let his legs hang out. The image of how they must look from the outside burns across his mind and he shudders, heat rushing to his face. Isaac grins and wraps one long leg around Derek's hip, pulling them close.

"So you do want me," he says, half cocky and half begging.

Derek cups his head with one hand, fingers winding tight through his soft hair, and kisses him shallowly enough that after a few seconds Isaac tries to make it dirtier, opens up and licks at Derek's barely-parted lips. But Derek holds him in place, takes as long as he wants, waits for Isaac to start struggling underneath him.

Then he says, "Yes. And you--"

The last part is accidental. He cuts himself off and looks down. Under him Isaac's gone still--not frozen, not afraid. He's still hard and flooding the car with the scent of it. But he's not squirming around anymore.

The silence really isn't very long at all. Derek could count the heartbeats on one hand.

"You ask a lot of stupid questions," Isaac says, and grins at him.

For a second he's wide-eyed and speechless, and he doesn't even know why, because there's nothing here that should surprise him. But he is surprised--by himself, maybe; by his own stupid, leaping heart. Isaac doesn't hesitate to take advantage, and there's a hand unzipping Derek's jeans before he can react enough to grab it.

This can't happen. It's happening. It's not like his plans ever work out anyway.

Derek cants up his hips to make room, and presses his face into Isaac's shoulder, and there's a boy in his car and he's not going to say that he loves him, but he loves him.

anatsuno: a scary girl holding a very scary clown ragdoll (children are scary)

[personal profile] anatsuno 2012-08-16 06:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Oooh. That's not really a pairing I ever thought of but this is nice; sharp and tasty and-- just. Good. <3
goodbyebird: Batman returns: Catwoman seen through a glass window. (TW all creeper all the time)

[personal profile] goodbyebird 2012-08-17 08:37 am (UTC)(link)
I really liked this :)
nomelon: (teen wolf buddy cops)

[personal profile] nomelon 2012-08-23 08:01 am (UTC)(link)
Beautiful. First fic I've read of this pairing but I'm sold. I think I need to go find more...