Oct. 12th, 2011

some_stars: (kids! stay in school!)
I started reorganizing my closet today, or started the preparatory cleaning anyway, and discovered a huge stash of juvenilia from about age seven through ninth grade. Being as I am still full of Issues regarding my entire childhood, reading this stuff wasn't nearly as charming as I think it's supposed to be, but it was interesting.

The thing that surprised me the most was what a huge amount of the really early, elementary school stuff was attempts at mimicking established forms. (The early stuff was also interspersed with bits of proto-BDSM proto-porn, which did not surprise me at all. Also, towards the later end, excruciatingly terrible poetry.) I wrote menus, parenting/self-help/advice books, pamphlets about common "diseases" in teachers with each one given its own ridiculous acronym (followed by "THERE IS A CURE" and more acronyms). Even the regular stories are full of set phrases and inexplicable interactions that were obviously written to match some kind of pre-existing blueprint. Apparently, I spent my entire childhood vacuuming up every shred of written material I could find and obsessively attempting to recreate it, down to the exact wording. I feel like this may explain something about my later development as a fanfiction writer.

Around age 14 it shifts to letters, bits of diary-like writing from in between classes, poetry that is very very slightly less atrocious, fic, and original fiction obviously written by a small, overenthusiastic slash fan, which for some reason is mostly in script format. The journal-esque stuff is alternately cringe-inducing and heartbreaking, like the two-page self-examination where I analyzed why I couldn't make really close friends, and talked about how much I wanted one, culminating in the single-sentence paragraph, "I think what I want is to be honest." Fifteen-year-old self, I understand.

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