Bra Rage

[some_stars]

You know what I HATE? The increasingly constant refrain, anytime a woman complains about anything to do with her breasts, of You're wearing the wrong bra!

Do bras hurt you? Do they fail to give you the patriarchy-approved silhouette? Clearly, you are wearing THE WRONG BRA. The wrong size, or the wrong model, or the wrong material, or, look, you must be doing SOMETHING wrong. If you can't find a bra that is both "supportive"--meaning it provides the above-mentioned silhouette, although you might think it means "prevents excess bouncing and makes your back hurt less," but mysteriously that is never what they mean--and completely comfortable to wear, you're just not trying hard enough.

No body shape excuses you from this. If you're a 48F, you still get the chorus if you dare to complain. Of course, you may well have to pay over a hundred dollars for that "well-fitting" bra, but somehow the You're Wearing the Wrong Size police never mention that. Or they just assume you'll be so grateful for the chance to look more cleavagey and firm that you'll happily shell out for a full wardrobe of hundred dollar bras.

Basically this is what I hear when they start in:

1. Not only does every woman want to make her breasts look as high and firm as possible at all times, every woman has a responsibility to do this. If a woman's breasts appear in any way to be failing, it's an act of charity to inform her.

2. Everyone--or everyone worth talking about--can easily afford to buy several bras and replace them when they break or wear out. They either ignore/forget the existence of larger sizes(both cup and band) that can cost more than five times as much as a 36B, or they just assume that of course you can and will cheerily pay any price to get those melons hoisted.

3. Women are stupid, and never try on different sizes or models until someone tells them they should. They will spend their whole lives in discomfort and complaining, but it never occurs to them to search for something better, and they definitely haven't spent years on an intensive quest for this mythical Right Bra, nor have they ever had a professional fitting(much less several that all disagree, or a professional fitting that ends with the fitter telling them there are no bras available in their size).

4. Most importantly, there is a bra in manufacture for every single size, shape, and consistency of woman. If a woman says there is no bra available that is "supportive" (see above definition) and fits her comfortably, she's either lying, whining, stupid, or just plain wrong. There is no breast in the entire world that can't be wrangled into the "correct" shape and position with minimal or no discomfort(oh, and all women have two breasts that are basically the same size and shape). Proceed on this assumption at all times.

I am fairly sure I have more to say about this, but I am wary of repeating myself. Feel free to contribute further anger, or talk about your bra problems, or whatever. Anyone telling someone that they just haven't tried the right bra yet will be deleted, as will recommendations for vendors(I finally found a place where I buy bras that are comfortable and keep me "decent," but they sure as hell don't "support" in the way the bra police claim is possible for every woman). TRUST ME, WE'VE TRIED THEM. We are not actually stupid, and anyway trying on mail order bras COSTS MONEY for shipping, even if you return the item.

Comments

[thingswithwings]

oh man, I approve this rant.

[some_stars]

Thanks. It's been brewing in me ever since I did an outfit post on the Fatshionista comm and all the responses were "sure, clothes, whatever, DID YOU KNOW YOUR BREASTS ARE SAGGING?" And that's in a space that's ALL ABOUT fat acceptance and pretty strongly feminist. I mean, even if there is a bra out there that is mystically perfect for me, I've already spent over a decade searching for it so the idea that the quest MUST CONTINUE, no matter how much effort and money it costs, just fucking pisses me off.

[thingswithwings]

ugh, that's so much bullshit - and at fatshionista, of all places! seriously. did you know your breasts are sagging, what the fuck ever - that's like, did you know you're fat? did you know you have a huge nose? did you know that you're not currently living up to the impossible beauty standard? YES I NOTICED OKAY.

the amount of money that women of any kind, but especially fat women and women with non-average proportions, are expected to spend on clothes is ludicrous. I respect your rebellion.

[laurajv]

lady, I do not even know. My bras are structurally engineered affairs, expensive but not hellish, have to be ordered from the UK, though. They are even placed by these bras where they are "supposed" to be (which, on my particular body, is actually where they are attached to the rest of me, which is why this is comfortable...for me).

You would think that having my guns holstered and tucked away would largely remove comment, but NO. "Wow, you have big boobs", saith other persons of the female stripe. "Your back must be killing you!"

There is no way to escape. Even if you have boobs that in theory are socially approved, someone will find SOMETHING.

our bodies are not free, and what the fuck is up with that, I want to know. STFU, world, and leave my boobs (and ass, and thighs) ALONE. we didn't ASK you!

[some_stars]

oh yeah, it's just another form of body policing/criticism. But it's become so incredibly ubiquitous and acceptable in the last decade or so ever since fitting-centered, not-explicitly-sex-based, non-victoria's secret bra shops got popular. of course, the idea that this sudden public concern with women being comfortable might be designed to drum up insecurity and business never gets mentioned.

[phosfate]

I sometimes wonder if bra sizes (especially sports bras with their S/M/L), like every other goddamn item of women's clothing, are more to do with manufacturer's whim than any standard measurement. It's certainly true for (pardon my French) underpants.

I SAID UNDERPANTS AHAHAHAHAHAHAoh god i need to go home.

[cyprinella]

All of this. And oh god my current hate is that I've found bras that look good, are affordable and are actually really comfortable when moving around. Like I can run around with my dog and do a good bit of hiking without a problem. However, they SUCK for sitting in an office all day. Right now all I can think of is how much I want to take the damn thing off, which you can't do at the office.

[harpers_child]

this is why i've been planning to get a reduction since i was 16. as i get older the proposed size of my boobs get smaller. at the moment i'd like to go from a DDD/E to a B. because all of the clothes are designed to fit a B. don't even get me started on bras that are supposed to fit me but are based on B cup physics. just because you make the parts bigger doesn't mean they're doing their freaking job!

[vass]

My mother paid for me to get fitted at a snooty, upscale bra store and buy two bras there. They support my breasts. They only sag a little bit. But the band cuts into my ribcage. There is just no way around it: there is no such thing as a bra which can support my breasts and not cut into my ribcage. My breasts are too heavy for it not to do that. Plus, the snooty, upscale bra store was so chintzy and uber-feminine that I felt uncomfortable being in there at all. If there were bra stores for men, I would totally go there.

[some_stars]

well, pain is the price you pay for being so ABNORMAL, you know! I mean, god FORBID you not wear a bra that reduces your sagging to the absolute minimum possible. Why would ANYONE want to do such a thing?

uggghhh.

[malka]

Guh, yes. If you want to prevent breasts from moving, you need to push on some other bodily bit to do so. There are a limited number of bodily bits available for the job: ribcage, shoulders, and waist/hips are the only ones I've heard of or can conceive of. All of these can be problematic or uncomfortable when pushed on, especially when pushed on for hours at a time, day in and day out.

(bra band + chest cold = hideousness)

[ellen_fremedon]

I wish you could still find long-line bras, I really do. Spreading the pressure over a wider area makes the band pinch less, at least on me; and they distribute the weight of the breasts about equally between shoulders and waist/hips. But just in the last five years, ever since Spanx became ubiquitous, you can't find one anywhere anymore. Because apparently every woman in the world who wanted a long-line bra solely wanted it for stomach-cinching purposes. *shakes fist*

[lilacsigil]

My bra size is one that's relatively easily available (46DD, though if I increase or decrease more than one size in either direction I'm in trouble) and I wear wire-free sports bras all the time because they are firm, comfortable and let me get on with things without breast pain or back pain. It also means that most plus-size tops that fit my hips are way too big in the chest. "Fix my body to fit the clothes" is NOT a feminist (or fatshion-appropriate) answer.

[resonant]

Oh, man, I can't even tell you. And if you've got any fat on your upper torso, that band that fits "snugly but comfortably" is going to give you back bulge, just no way around it.

I now have two separate bra challenges in my household, because the kidlet is (1) a 34B and (2) eleven years old. Try finding a bra that's not insanely expensive for somebody who's still growing, and yet not a demi or a push-up or fishnet or otherwise totally inappropriate for a sixth-grader!

[resonant]

Oh, and the other thing is: You did a Fatshionista post? Want to link?

[some_stars]

Oh, I'd rather not--it was ages ago, and nothing special. I've been a bit soured on them lately.

[resonant]

Very understandable, especially if everybody was ignoring your clothes in favor of critiquing your undergarments.

[aris_tgd]

Bras suck.

I wanted to get a bra from T9 since they actually have one or two in my size now, and when I got to the store the person was all, "Oh, sorry, that's a catalogue and web-only item! You can get free shipping since it's a bra, though," and it's all, well, I don't want to blow a hundred dollars on something that might not fit and have it shipped to my apartment! AUGH!

Fuck "support" and "perkiness."

(Though I will admit that the "women don't try on different sizes" assumption actually describes a lot of women, though I assume it happens more to women within department store ranges? I mean, if you know you have large breasts it's easier to know that yes, you need to try on a lot of different bras to find one that's comfortable. Though I dunno, I was wearing a cup size two sizes too small for a good long time before I finally went up to my current size by stages--and I only didn't find it faster because I was suddenly out of range of what most department stores carry.)