update/overshare

[some_stars]

i am having a very hard time trying to transition to dreamwidth again, because i've gotten used to posting about my personal life and various travails on twitter and the idea of writing a full entry about myself is frankly terrifying. anyway if you do twitter i'm over there all the time and it's the best way to keep up with me. (edit: that said, obviously there's no blacklist on twitter and i retweet a LOT of stuff about politics, so feel free to not follow if that's something you're avoiding.)

i don't have much else to post about bc i'm taking an extreme backseat in fandom lately. i haven't written anything since a year ago and haven't written anything new (that wasn't already mostly written years ago) in...much longer. haven't vidded for a year and a half. i just don't get the same fannish passion i used to, which is a function of the weird transformation i underwent around 2016 that eliminated my sex drive and honestly most of my emotions?? but i can get work done a lot better now. it is a mystery but apparently unchangeable so i'm making my peace with being this way. oh also in becoming asexual i've also become slightly agender, so i like they/them now, but i'm not offended by she/her or anything, it's really just a preference.

an update for those not on twitter: i've been doing student teaching all semester and will do it next semester too, and it's going relatively well considering i'm in a very troubled title 1 school where the admin does zero discipline and nobody reads on level. i don't plan to actually be a teacher anymore but i was several thousand dollars deep into getting this certification when i made that decision and i think having the certification will help me get tutoring jobs, so i'm finishing the year out. anyway i already took the hard certification exam, now i only have the easy one and some bullshit coursework, plus the student teaching which i really do enjoy, and then i'll be done. i'm a little sad because i really like some parts of being a classroom teacher, but i just can't handle that level of responsibility for 100+ kids, or the degree to which you have to take work home with you. there's still like 10% of them i can't even remember their names after four months, so i'm clearly not cut out for the job.

otherwise i'm doing okay...i had a months-long spell of weird vomiting but it turned out to be caused by birth control, so now i'm not puking twice a week BUT i have to have periods again. i'm pretty isolated and i'm not super happy about that but it doesn't truly upset me. i just don't have a lot to talk about with other people these days; it's never been the easiest for me but i used to have many more interests. the mysterious transformation also made it very, very hard for me to read and watch tv, so i don't even have that anymore. mostly i just watch videos on youtube and browse the less toxic parts of reddit (so, mostly cat subs). it's not a great life, but it's functional. the major upcoming problem is when i have to get off medicaid when i start working as a tutor, and if the ACA will still exist at that point, but! trying not to think about that!!!

anyway i'm not sure how many people who follow me here still remember who i am, and if you want to unfollow that's super okay, but i doubt i'll be posting much.

Comments

[rydra_wong]

Hell! I remember and am glad to see you!

Weird transformation sounds weird (I am very aware that sometimes brains just DO THIS SHIT); I'm glad it seems like a manageable transformation, at least.

[some_stars]

Yeah, like, it's not great? But I'm also not regularly (or ever) overwhelmed by BAD emotions anymore. I can probably hold down a job now! That seems worth the change to me.

[rydra_wong]

Hell!

... That was a typo-ed "Hello!".

[alatefeline]

*waves hello* I don't think we've ever been closely connected because I am mostly in fandom on Dreamwidth and haven't written much aside from journaling. We have some experiences in common (genderweird stuff, schooljob stuff, cats) and I'm happy to have other folks around who read fanfic and like fandom even if they aren't writing actively at the moment and just ... live their lives.

[resonant]

Hey, I don’t know you well, so I hope this isn’t crowding you emotionally in a way you don’t want to be crowded, but this is ticking a lot of boxes for major depression, if you have access to any resources to get screened. I’m happy to see your name here again, and sending you astral hugs and well-wishes.

[some_stars]

Oh, I appreciate the concern, but I've been through the mental illness wringer every which way over the past 30 years, and I've tried medication since the Thing happened, and I'm not super concerned at this point. Especially since one effect of the Thing has been "can get work done without having a million anxiety attacks and putting it off past the deadline."

[resonant]

Yeah, I figured it probably wasn't news to you, but on the outside chance ...

Still happy to see you back.

[sasha_feather]

<3

[ang]

It is so, so hard to get back into proper blogging versus twitter/tumblr micro-blogging/endless reblogs. I like it, but I feel like I have to put a lot more effort into it for it be worthwhile posting stuff.

I somehow missed the discovery of the reason behind the surprise vomit, so I'm glad that's sorted, even if unfortunately, as you know, periods.

[lurea]

Agreed re: tumblr vs. DW. Tumblr is easier, no doubt about it, but DW is more lasting....

[kuwdora]

*wave*

[some_stars]

hi!

[st_aurafina]

Heya! It is nice to see your post pop up on my flist!

The mysterious transformation sounds tricky and frustrating - maybe something will shift again? Brains are so weird.

[lurea]

I have had whole !YEARS! go by, where I am not much into fandom. But I tend to drift back.... It's great to have a port of entry, as it were, in case you get back to it. :D

Actually, caring as much as you do, sounds like you'd be a GREAT teacher. As for the name thing, heck, I have three kiddos and get their names messed up ON THE REGULAR. That's just one of those 'face-smart' vs. "face-blind' things.

[lilacsigil]

Hi! Brains are weird, what even?

[lesstraveled]

they/them low five

thank u for the update tho!! i reluctantly made a twitter just to follow artists but it's too overwhelming to do for real so i have made my peace with not knowing wtf is going on with half my friends. go you for sticking with the teaching certification.

and i feel like i could've written that part about fandom. hard same except i can casually watch tv. but otherwise it's like ??? all-consuming passion where