some_stars | (no subject)

I've hit the point in my Homicide rewatch where everything is getting worse and worse for everybody and will never get better again. I'm a little more than halfway through season five (which anyone who's seen the show could probably guess from the above description), and I'm not going to watch most of six or seven anyway but it's still kind of disheartening.

Also, wow, I understand Lewis so much more now than I did when I was fourteen or even seven years ago, which was the last time I rewatched some episodes. And it is not a happy understanding. It's more of a "oh, he and I are incredibly shitty and broken people in this same way!" understanding. I keep trying to write about this (and a couple other things/characters, like for instance how I watch attempted suicide scenes very differently now) in more detail, and explain my conflicted feelings about it which are aesthetic as well as personal, but apparently I'm incapable of coherent meta anymore. It's really hard to watch, though, the kind of hard without any ultimate catharsis or reward.

However, I must continue, because if I stop now it'll bug me forever. Plus I still love looking at all their perfect dysfunctional faces.