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Hello first real-time (ish) episode of Teen Wolf! Let me just liveblog the shit out of this.

okay, that opening w/Matt is SEVERELY confusing. He summoned the kanima without knowing? And then opened his phone to watch the camera while still under the impression Jackson was making a sex tape? Those are actually two very different kinds of confusion but I want both resolved.

Weren't you guys going to tell Stiles's dad about the wolf thing a few episodes ago? Come on, Scott, just wolf out for ten seconds and there won't be any really hard explanations needed.

Oh my god their precious faces when Stiles's dad says "what do you want me to do?" They really didn't think this would work, did they?

This whole setup feels...kind of too easy and unearned, but also omggg because "Stiles's Dad, Supernatural PI" is like...my dream endgame for this show. So yeah.

Scott looks really, really good in that shirt. Can he dress like that all the time?

Oh hey, dead black female character. Strong work.

Oh...my god, is Derek floating naked and oiled in a white void? HE TOTALLY IS.

Whoa, mystery vet has NICE arms. Especially when they're catching a weakened, stumbling Derek. Also lololololol dog whistle, thank you Teen Wolf, I genuinely never tire of the dog jokes.

"Don't worry, you're still an alpha. But as usual, not a particularly confident one." Okay so when Ang sent me this line, attribution-free, while actually watching it live, I just sort of assumed it was Peter needling him? But no, it's mystery vet. Somehow that makes it a thousand times more beautiful to me.

OMG, mystery vet got some backstory! ...and it seems to indicate even less hope of him ever getting a story of his own. lol "advisor," sounds awfully...magical, doesn't it?

God, though, I cannot lie, mystery vet critiquing Derek's life and choices while Derek makes puppy eyes is some of the greatest fanservice I have ever been given.

Awww, Scott, pocket dialing was a really good idea! I am proud of you. --however, it does seem like you could have wolfed out at some point by now and then used those super reflexes to take Matt's gun away. IDK, just a consideration.

GERARD STOP BEING A HORRIBLE CREEPY BASTARD

Also, wow, we're really supposed to buy that Allison is so easily manipulated that this over-the-top bullshit gets to her? REALLY? After last season where Kate, without even the benefit of recent massive trauma, convinced her to shoot arrows at her boyfriend. I dislike this pattern.

Okay, they are pandering to me so hard with Derek here, I almost feel embarrassed. "Oh, thank god--" *Derek falls down, unconscious* YES, Teen Wolf. I am so close to loving you tonight.

I really need to find a good vid song for Allison. She gets so many amazingly viddable moments.

...aaand the requisite ship-teasing for the thing I really intensely don't ship. Well, that's okay; Stiles offered to make out with Scott earlier this season so I don't begrudge this inexplicable fandom juggernaut its pleasures. (Also I won't actually mind them becoming awkward uneasy sort-of-friends, which is definitely as far as it will ever go because 1.) no changing male sexualities midstream on TV, and 2.) huge age difference, so yeah, this bit meets with my approval.)

yessss hurt Stiles some more I mean, uh. Stop that. How terrible. How cruel to make Scott's face look like that.

FINALLY the parents are going to find out. FINALLY, yessssssss

Wow, Chris, that's quite a low-cut shirt you've got there. Not that I mind.

God, it's like almost every powerful moment Allison has on this show is because she's been influenced by an evil family member. All her really great moments have been quieter, and on her own.

Okay, you know what, I am actually totally into Stiles and Derek: Reluctant Day-Saving Bros, as presented here. Let's hold hands and sing songs, fandom! I will just...sing slightly different lyrics than you. And maybe wear gloves.

"You know what happens to everyone else when they get shot? They die!" Oh, Matt. Trying so hard to be all profound and shit.

Matt and Isaac were friends as wee babies? I...don't know what to make of this. (In any other fandom I would make of it "yesss, so much messed-up fic for this pairing is about to ensue," but I have no ability to predict Teen Wolf fandoms activities.)

--wait though, was Matt his current age when he died? Because then what was he doing hanging out with Isaac five or six years ago? And if he was younger back then, why is the body in this flashback about his current age?

Wait. Wait. He's not even dead? He's 100% non-supernaturally alive? What the hell is this shit? Fuck you, Matt, get the hell off my screen, I was misled >>>>>:(

Okay, let me try to get this straight. Jackson gets bitten, but turns into a lizard instead of a wolf because he's bad at feelings. Having been lizardified, he seeks a master, which apparently means "someone really angry," and psychically intuits this anger and carries it out, and THEN actually makes contact with said master. Also Matt is into Greek mythology.

;afsdghkjg okay that was--the loudest, shriekiest laugh I have yet made at Teen Wolf. "That's OEDIPUS, you DUMBASS!!!" I cannot believe this joke was made, oh my god.

JACKSON WHITTEMORE: TOTALLY THE FURIES oh my god you guys, I can't even communicate how much joy this little tangent is bringing me.

I enjoy how Teen Wolf's strategy for resolving its season-long mystery arc is "have the guest star talk and talk and talk and TALK for like fifteen minutes, intersperse with recycled footage." Stay classy, guys.

Gerard, that is the single most inappropriately-wedged-in Shakespeare quote I have ever heard.

Okay, so, I've completely lost track of what the various Argents are and/or think they are doing here. This is probably my fault, because I'm really bad at TV.

OMG Allison, you are so fierce and brave and messed up and I LOVE you and I wish this show could think of something better to do with you than be blatantly manipulated, fail, and be terrorized by your gross stalker. Seriously, just imagine if the climax of the episode was Allison, solo, taking down the bad guy and saving everyone. Just once! Just one glamorous sequence of her doing something amazing and then it actually succeeds! It's not that she has to Kick Ass all the time and must never fail, it's that they keep doing these glamor shots and are so obviously patting themselves on the back for their Strong Female Character...and then literal seconds later, glamor shot over, no center stage for you, little lady. I really need to make a vid. Song suggestions are welcome, btw.

I like how this fight is cut so that Stiles appears to be judging Derek's poor performance and backing away in hopes of a new, better plan.

YES, the parents finally know, thank GOD. --wait, no, Stiles's dad is unconscious. Well, at least one of them knows. And surely he'll realize something is up when Scott has no horrible gunshot wound?

SCOTT NO. I mean, I can't entirely blame the poor kid for trying to make his own deals, especially after Gerard stabbed/scared the shit out of him and everything is such a mess. But oh my gosh, Scott, that...that was not wise. Also lol Derek is so pissed. He thought they were PACK, okay :( Scott totally betrayed that :( :( :(

Welp, episode's almost over, time for Matt to get poetically drowned. As usual, death from oxygen deprivation on TV takes about thirty seconds.

Jackson, you seriously need to choose some better masters. Also I really love that that's basically the arc of this season: Jackson seeks a master. I've read that fanfic like twenty times already and I've only been in this fandom a week.

Next week: horrible wolfchildren! yessssssss

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, Scott's choices - AI.

I mean, he could have told Stiles, and Derek, and the whole group could have come up with a better plan than selling people OUT.

It actually kind of depresses me, because I thought this show was taking an abrupt but welcome swing towards fandom's values, which as much as this fandom sometimes weirds me out, I love how committed we are (and not just in Teen Wolf fandom either) to the pack thing--to found family and community as the ultimately satisfactory ending to an individual's story, rather than staying independent and alone (except for your lady and your sidekick of course), at a safe distance from all those weak misguided people who need groups.

But...I guess not? Plus, ugh, their struggle to find some way to deal with Gerard as an actual team would have been so INTERESTING.

Yes, I love that about TVD - that while things go south, it's about picking the family that wants you, not always blood - and that they will ALWAYS come for you.

Here, it's about the GIRLFRIEND, and LACROSSE, and meanwhile, Derek and Stiles work together, the wolf cubs depend on them, and Scott is just running around being generally USELESS.

I know, I want fic with the pack becoming this mixed group, and just awesome, with growing pains, but ultimately stronger because they learn to trust one another.

And, I get Deaton's point about Derek, but HI, TRAUMA. It makes SENSE that he doesn't trust people. When he has to blackmail people into helping him? With the exception of Stiles...and his pack

*SIGHS*

I think I like Scott more than you, but yeah, he's so much better as part of a team. He needs lots of people to care about, I think; it seems to keep him focused, or grounded, or whatever.

(My feelings about Derek are a mix of "lololololol THE WORST" and "ohhhhh, honey." Usually both at once.)

*nods* I think Scott can be endearing at times. But, his priorities, I was hoping he had gotten it together this season!

Derek, I just. So much facepalm.

My main question is WHERE IS LYDIA DON'T YOU DARE FORGET ABOUT HER, SHOW.

I totally agree with all that you said about Allison. Also, wtf are they doing just shoving her into a leadership role with NO EXPERIENCE AND ALMOST NO TRAINING. Like. Throw her an incredibly dangerous bone. One that's ON FIRE.

Scott's mommmmmm oh man. I'm glad she finally finds out here, and I'm sad it wasn't Stiles's dad, too. Poor Melissa.

seriously dude LYDIA. I need so much of her in the wake of this awful awful arc, I need her taking back her agency and learning all the shit everybody else knows and KILLING PETER. Not that she'll get to. But aaaghghghhhh, she should.