fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2012-05-23 11:08 pm
some_stars) wrote2012-05-23 11:08 pm
the stupidest of angsts
I think I just need, like, a writing dominatrix. Because I sit there at work coming up with all these lines, and then I get home and have literally six different Word documents open and I don't know what to DO and by the time I've finished angsting over what to choose, I'm sleepy. I need someone to whom I would submit a weekly report of all my ideas and their progress, and she would inform me what I will be working on tonight, and then I could just do it.
Also the greatest sadness in my life right now is that I can't seem to pull off Maria/Natasha without a whole story backing it up, AND that I can see very very clearly how AMAZING it would be if I could write that setup and development. It would be super in character and gorgeous and make fandom have feelings it didn't know it could have. But lord knows I can't write it. IDK, maybe I'll write a sex scene that will be incomprehensible to other people because it'll depend on all the background in my head that I can't even begin to explain.
I would do a quick rundown of all my WIPs but 1.) no one cares and 2.) historically that is not any help to me at all so it would just be self-indulgent. Also honestly, the next one down will probably be the Tony/Thor because it requires the least out of me emotionally (and is hot and in Tony POV which is apparently easy), whereas Steve/Natasha/Clint squeezes my heart like an overripe peach, and I'm currently having irrational but intense guilt for RUINING Bruce/Tony, ruining it foreeeeever for eeeeeeveryone, I am a ruiner. Oh well I guess I did do that rundown after all, more or less.
IN OTHER, non-fictional-people related news: my first temp job ended! Almost! They want me to come back next Wednesday, but then that's it. This works okay for me since I wasn't working the rest of this week anyway, and Monday is a holiday, and I have a thing at the museum Tuesday afternoon, and then the rest of that week I can use to attempt to cope with my life, wash my sweaters, remove the filth from my immediate environment, cook some vegetables, etc. So I just need to call the temp agency and tell them I'm available part-time starting June 4, and hope I get another job that lets me come in three days a week and is ten minutes from my house. Which will probably not happen.
Also the greatest sadness in my life right now is that I can't seem to pull off Maria/Natasha without a whole story backing it up, AND that I can see very very clearly how AMAZING it would be if I could write that setup and development. It would be super in character and gorgeous and make fandom have feelings it didn't know it could have. But lord knows I can't write it. IDK, maybe I'll write a sex scene that will be incomprehensible to other people because it'll depend on all the background in my head that I can't even begin to explain.
I would do a quick rundown of all my WIPs but 1.) no one cares and 2.) historically that is not any help to me at all so it would just be self-indulgent. Also honestly, the next one down will probably be the Tony/Thor because it requires the least out of me emotionally (and is hot and in Tony POV which is apparently easy), whereas Steve/Natasha/Clint squeezes my heart like an overripe peach, and I'm currently having irrational but intense guilt for RUINING Bruce/Tony, ruining it foreeeeever for eeeeeeveryone, I am a ruiner. Oh well I guess I did do that rundown after all, more or less.
IN OTHER, non-fictional-people related news: my first temp job ended! Almost! They want me to come back next Wednesday, but then that's it. This works okay for me since I wasn't working the rest of this week anyway, and Monday is a holiday, and I have a thing at the museum Tuesday afternoon, and then the rest of that week I can use to attempt to cope with my life, wash my sweaters, remove the filth from my immediate environment, cook some vegetables, etc. So I just need to call the temp agency and tell them I'm available part-time starting June 4, and hope I get another job that lets me come in three days a week and is ten minutes from my house. Which will probably not happen.
no subject
....Jesus, that's like BEST IDEA EVER
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Best of luck in the job search.
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It's not so much a job search as a job sitting around waiting for them to get back to me and then probably calling another temp agency if they take too long to hook me up with something. But infinitely preferable to a real job search.
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Also how did you ruin Bruce/Tony? This is a thing? What? It seems to me like you wrote an amazing story for that pairing?
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This is the crazy talking, I mean, I know that. But I'm all "I did it WRONG and I BROKE it and it's WRONG." Because, crazy. I should probably go finish answering my feedback and get over myself. (I'm actually kind of blackly amused that now that I've finally written something popular, my brain has switched gears and decided that lots of people liking it means it's not any good. There is no escape! Also apparently my depression is an egotistical snob.)
(Also that's not a ~subtle~ request for more praise or anything; like I said, I'm totally aware this is all insane thinking. I just need to quit obsessing.)
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I won't give you lots of praise for your story, even though it deserves it and I would praise it in a second, because I know then you might feel guilty or weird? IDK man I don't think I have the ~same~ weird complexes as you but I ttly have weird complexes where I will take any mental path available as long as the destination is "I suck." So, basically: <3. I know how that is. Thoughts are EVIL. And quitting obsessing: easier said than done, so go easy on yourself, yeah? Don't beat yourself up and obsess over how you're beating yourself up and obsessing.