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Tonight's baking: cornbread muffins! One of my most favorite foods, and one that I've never made for myself before. It turns out they are super easy and all kinds of delicious, and it also turns out I'm running out of white flour. This is not a problem I have encountered a lot in my life up till now. I have to stop baking anyway until all the muffins are gone; supposedly the apple ones only keep for a day which is completely absurd, but IDK how long they will stay good and I have no room to freeze them. With the corn that makes 18 muffins total I need to consume in the next couple days, which I don't think will be a problem. The real problem will be not being able to constantly distract myself from my Terrible Sadness with muffin creation. I sort of feel like I should start a separate blog about Depression Muffins, and maybe I'd get offered a movie deal like that Julie And Julia blogger, except they'd have to add a heterosexual romance and a happy ending. Also I'd have to learn photography, you can't food blog without classy photographs.

The muffins themselves are a pretty good distraction, at least. I love corn muffins SO MUCH, and I like kind of a hybrid of northern and southern--some sugar, but with more cornmeal than flour. The cornmeal I bought today is stone-ground so the muffins have some grit to them, which is how I like them. And I would certainly make cornbread in a pan with bacon grease, if I ever came into any bacon grease, which I don't because I don't know how to fry bacon. I need to come up with some more uses for cornmeal though, I bought a five pound bag and I have no concrete plans aside from "more muffins, always muffins." Can you make polenta out of coarse-ground cornmeal? I'm pretty sure you can't make grits, which is sad, because I adore grits, but they need to be smooth.

Next up, after all is consumed: pumpkin muffins round two, with molasses and more cinnamon and less overstirring. They will be magical.

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Depression Muffins would so totally be a bestseller.

I would actually take a crack at it, if I could take pictures. There's a real camera around somewhere but I think it's broken, and anyway I never have a clear space in the kitchen to take photographs on--all the surfaces are grimy or cluttered within seconds of starting to cook.

Also I feel like, at this particular point in my life, starting a blog about depression would be inviting defeat, either for the blog--because hopefully I will get a job sometime before, say, 2012, and stop baking and moping all day--or for the entire rest of my life. But it really would be a great blog.

There is nothing to say you can't blog about Depression Muffins UNTIL you get a real job! Besides, it would give you something (other than Depression) to focus on!

Plus: MUFFINS.

I guess I am just especially scared of photography. I used to be sort of decent at it sometimes, now all my pictures are shit. And that started before I broke my camera and started only using the phone, so IDEK.

I adore grits, but they need to be smooth.

Wait, wait, I thought grits were called grits because they were gritty! This is false?

The name describes them in their raw state; they soften when cooked. Not into mush, so you can still feel the individual grains, but they're definitely not supposed to crunch.