fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2011-09-22 01:47 am
some_stars) wrote2011-09-22 01:47 am
(no subject)
I feel like the only thing that ever gets me writing (or vidding, mostly) is the uncontrollable urge to correct the flaws of others. Sometimes flaws in the source, sometimes in the fandom, and it's not like these are the only ideas I have--I have a LOT--but it seems like the only ones that ever make it past "I should totally write/vid that" are the ones motivated at least 50% by irritated spite. This is probably unhealthy, but on the other hand, I feel pretty good about the results most of the time. (Current irritation project: a White Collar eventually-threesome fic where Elizabeth isn't magically okay with everything. Said irritation directed pretty much equally at the fandom and the show itself. And at myself, because why am I so incapable of writing fic for shows I genuinely enjoy and respect?) (Speaking of which, another way I've been wasting my time this week has been watching Dead Like Me--I told y'all I have a twenty-deep backlog of Shit I Want to Watch--and I have nothing to say about it except that it is super fucking awesome.)
In other news: I would like to request absolutely no birthday wishes or birthday mentions at all, including in reply to this post, because it's making me completely miserable and depressed every time I think about it and I'm hoping to avoid any discussion.
Other other news: I joined a chorus, which has been a lot of intimidating fun and a little bit of much-needed socializing practice. And some very, very tentative flirting practice, because everyone there is queer, and I can. I still don't know how to read music except just enough to slowly pick out a tune on the piano, and I don't mean play, I mean pick out note by note, a bar at a time. And last time I was in a chorus there were like 25 people in my section, so once I heard the alto part once or twice I could get it easily because I was surrounded by a wall of sound. Now there's eleven of us, and I'm really out of practice, so...we'll see. My voice is definitely improving already, though; I was singing in the car on the way home from rehearsal and I haven't sounded that good in years. Most of the music we're working on for the Christmas concert is dreadful--a lot of crappy pop and country ballads (and some hastily made-up ~Hanukkah carols~ that are borderline offensive in how half-assed and point-missing they are; one of them actually includes the phrase "peace on earth") with a few traditional numbers--but that doesn't really matter when you're singing it in a big group with harmonies and everything. Plus it's lower pressure than doing a classical piece that I have to live up to.
Other^3 news: I've started wearing contact lenses about 50% of the time. This is going pretty well, except I can't use them for long reading or computer use because soft lenses just can't fully correct my ridiculously awful astigmatism. And washing my hands and taking them out and putting them in again is such a pain, so I've been either not bothering or, more often, giving myself tiny headaches, which is not a good habit. Also, my undereye area is disastrous, and I'm really not the kind of person who says things like that but it's just a nightmare, to an extent that I didn't fully realize when it was always behind glasses. My glasses press into my face a little right at the top of my cheek and after all these years I have a permanent weird dent, and I've always tended to get dark circles even when getting plenty of sleep, and my eyes are pretty tiny and deep-set and close together anyway, and I have either the world's biggest eye bags or a horrifyingly premature, horrifyingly deep wrinkle under each eye. I don't even know, it's just--terrible. And really not motivating me to work on transitioning to lenses more of the time. I don't even know if I could use concealer--or how to use concealer--because I sure as hell am not going to start using makeup on the rest of my face, and I touch my eyes too much anyway. But it's really bothering me. I look like I just woke up from one hour of sleep after a week of watching puppies and babies murdered in front of me while doing intravenous drugs (me, not the puppies) and not bathing ever.
Like, this is not--mostly--about unattainable patriarchal beauty standards. Just wrinkles, especially the fine thready kind that appear on normal under-forty people's faces, would unsettle me, but I wouldn't really care. But I look ill, and exhausted, and somehow permanently unclean--it's something about the skin texture, IDK. It makes me not want to go out in public. And I don't know if there's actually any product or treatment that can do anything about this, and it is...disheartening. THAT SAID: it's pretty fucking awesome to have non-fuzzy peripheral vision. That is a big plus.
In other news: I would like to request absolutely no birthday wishes or birthday mentions at all, including in reply to this post, because it's making me completely miserable and depressed every time I think about it and I'm hoping to avoid any discussion.
Other other news: I joined a chorus, which has been a lot of intimidating fun and a little bit of much-needed socializing practice. And some very, very tentative flirting practice, because everyone there is queer, and I can. I still don't know how to read music except just enough to slowly pick out a tune on the piano, and I don't mean play, I mean pick out note by note, a bar at a time. And last time I was in a chorus there were like 25 people in my section, so once I heard the alto part once or twice I could get it easily because I was surrounded by a wall of sound. Now there's eleven of us, and I'm really out of practice, so...we'll see. My voice is definitely improving already, though; I was singing in the car on the way home from rehearsal and I haven't sounded that good in years. Most of the music we're working on for the Christmas concert is dreadful--a lot of crappy pop and country ballads (and some hastily made-up ~Hanukkah carols~ that are borderline offensive in how half-assed and point-missing they are; one of them actually includes the phrase "peace on earth") with a few traditional numbers--but that doesn't really matter when you're singing it in a big group with harmonies and everything. Plus it's lower pressure than doing a classical piece that I have to live up to.
Other^3 news: I've started wearing contact lenses about 50% of the time. This is going pretty well, except I can't use them for long reading or computer use because soft lenses just can't fully correct my ridiculously awful astigmatism. And washing my hands and taking them out and putting them in again is such a pain, so I've been either not bothering or, more often, giving myself tiny headaches, which is not a good habit. Also, my undereye area is disastrous, and I'm really not the kind of person who says things like that but it's just a nightmare, to an extent that I didn't fully realize when it was always behind glasses. My glasses press into my face a little right at the top of my cheek and after all these years I have a permanent weird dent, and I've always tended to get dark circles even when getting plenty of sleep, and my eyes are pretty tiny and deep-set and close together anyway, and I have either the world's biggest eye bags or a horrifyingly premature, horrifyingly deep wrinkle under each eye. I don't even know, it's just--terrible. And really not motivating me to work on transitioning to lenses more of the time. I don't even know if I could use concealer--or how to use concealer--because I sure as hell am not going to start using makeup on the rest of my face, and I touch my eyes too much anyway. But it's really bothering me. I look like I just woke up from one hour of sleep after a week of watching puppies and babies murdered in front of me while doing intravenous drugs (me, not the puppies) and not bathing ever.
Like, this is not--mostly--about unattainable patriarchal beauty standards. Just wrinkles, especially the fine thready kind that appear on normal under-forty people's faces, would unsettle me, but I wouldn't really care. But I look ill, and exhausted, and somehow permanently unclean--it's something about the skin texture, IDK. It makes me not want to go out in public. And I don't know if there's actually any product or treatment that can do anything about this, and it is...disheartening. THAT SAID: it's pretty fucking awesome to have non-fuzzy peripheral vision. That is a big plus.