fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2011-09-02 11:24 pm
some_stars) wrote2011-09-02 11:24 pm
(no subject)
So I figured, I'm on my own, I'm going to need food, I can cook whenever I want as long as I want and play music during and even sing, which is a thing I do when cooking if no one is around--let's make that thing I never make because it's too complicated but is my favorite meal ever! Let's make a lot of it so I don't have to cook again for days! And I spent a couple hours shopping, and then two and a half hours cooking, and then it came out WRONG. Somehow. It's basically fine, but it's not SPECTACULAR as it has always been before, and as I assumed it would be when I decided to spend hours and hours messing with chicken parts and soaking greens and getting approximately ten million dishes dirty. Now I have a backache and seven days' worth of entirely average food. So much for planning ahead.
Other than that, adulthood seems to be going more or less okay so far, even if I feel constantly filled with gnawing anxiety over the huge list of small, piece-by-piece things I need to do. None of my new objectives are things I can actually sit down and get done, and half of them involve waiting around for someone else to get back to me, and there are SO MANY and they never stop. I feel like--like I need a thick black cartoon outline around my body. That is the best I can describe it. But emotions aside, nothing is actually going wrong so far. I can only guess how long that will last. There were a couple things I needed to do tonight, but then I ended up cooking until ten o'clock before even sitting down to eat, so...no.
Being busy is, as I've always known, enormously healthy for my brain. It makes me very anxious, but in less toxic ways than the anxiety of being aimless (or hiding from one gigantic and terrifying aim). I didn't even touch the computer today until mid-afternoon, which doesn't count for as much as it might now that I have the iPhone and check my email literally first thing in the morning (wake up, hit snooze, check email, turn off alarm before it can ring again, sit all the way up and get out of bed), but still, it's good for my burgeoning shoulder/arm RSI if nothing else. And I wrote stuff last night! Not much but more than I thought I would. I'm unable to process this, emotionally, as a success because I haven't been working on the vid so obviously all is failure, but in some part of my brain I'm aware it's pretty cool.
Final anecdote: I was searching for something in my parents' bathroom last night, and I found my mom's lotion that she always uses and has my whole life, and I sniffed it and felt 100% more soothed. I am not remotely ashamed of this tactic.
Other than that, adulthood seems to be going more or less okay so far, even if I feel constantly filled with gnawing anxiety over the huge list of small, piece-by-piece things I need to do. None of my new objectives are things I can actually sit down and get done, and half of them involve waiting around for someone else to get back to me, and there are SO MANY and they never stop. I feel like--like I need a thick black cartoon outline around my body. That is the best I can describe it. But emotions aside, nothing is actually going wrong so far. I can only guess how long that will last. There were a couple things I needed to do tonight, but then I ended up cooking until ten o'clock before even sitting down to eat, so...no.
Being busy is, as I've always known, enormously healthy for my brain. It makes me very anxious, but in less toxic ways than the anxiety of being aimless (or hiding from one gigantic and terrifying aim). I didn't even touch the computer today until mid-afternoon, which doesn't count for as much as it might now that I have the iPhone and check my email literally first thing in the morning (wake up, hit snooze, check email, turn off alarm before it can ring again, sit all the way up and get out of bed), but still, it's good for my burgeoning shoulder/arm RSI if nothing else. And I wrote stuff last night! Not much but more than I thought I would. I'm unable to process this, emotionally, as a success because I haven't been working on the vid so obviously all is failure, but in some part of my brain I'm aware it's pretty cool.
Final anecdote: I was searching for something in my parents' bathroom last night, and I found my mom's lotion that she always uses and has my whole life, and I sniffed it and felt 100% more soothed. I am not remotely ashamed of this tactic.