also not useful: actually licking it

[some_stars]

One of the greatest joys of reading old comics--I mean old comics, from the seventies and earlier--is reading the ads that, hopefully, have been scanned along with the stories. The one that just now caught my eye while I was skimming through Avengers #28 is mostly the usual "learn a mysterious exotic martial art even if you're scrawny" type of ad, but the first line of the copy beneath the headline is, You can lick your weight in tigers as a skilled FEARLESS MASTER OF ORIENTAL FIGHTING ARTS. Assuming the average reader of this ad weighed between 75 and 180 pounds, that line is basically promising them that they can beat up anywhere from one tenth to two thirds of a tiger, depending on its subspecies and sex. I can't imagine that the ability to win a fight with half of a tiger--even the front half--would be especially useful to anyone, or even all that impressive. I could probably do it.

Comments

[lilacsigil]

They're beating up BABY TIGERS???

[some_stars]

Even less impressive! Though potentially useful.

[ellen_fremedon]

That's what I was thinking!

I would not be impressed by the ability to beat up 40 to 80 newborn and blind tiger cubs. But if the cubs are five or six weeks old, and about the size of a large housecat, I would not want to have to face my weight in them.

[lilacsigil]

But you could distract them with a bottle of milk rather than fight! Maybe that's the secret of the course...

[helens78]

:DDDDD I've been rereading old X-Men from that era, and the ads are killing me. (Of course, for some it's a culture shock thing, like all the ads for products that help people gain weight, and all the ads that suggest people can get their high school diploma, because they can't find work without one!)

[some_stars]

The ads are just fantastic. So many obvious scams, but in such diverse subject areas! And all the live animals being sold! I mean, I actually do genuinely like comics from that era, mostly non-ironically even, but I'd read them anyway just for the ads.

[helens78]

When I was first reading my dad's back issues (I was about... eight? Maybe ten?), I really thought I could still get all those things in the ads, it hadn't occurred to me that I couldn't send 20 cents to a place in New York and get REAL X-RAY SPECS THAT WORKED!!!. I was also super-charmed by the "tanks" and "submarines" (cardboard, I can only imagine now), and I seriously contemplated asking my parents if I could sell GRIT and maybe some of those seed packets, where they had that whole listing of prizes you could earn for selling enough seeds. I always wanted the skateboard, of course, because this was the middle of the eighties and skateboards were the AWESOMEST. I never did work up the nerve to ask for any of that stuff, but now I wish I had; I'm sure my parents would have thought it was hilarious. XD

[inbetweendays]

I CANNOT READ THAT AS ANYTHING BUT THE APPLICATION OF TONGUE TO TIGER. I, for one, would not want to lick tigers at all, much less my weight in tiger.

[some_stars]

AGREED. Caress, possibly, but not lick.

[brownbetty]

Well, if the front half was still attached to the back half, I think it would still be impressive!

[brownbetty]

Maybe not *useful*, as one rarely needs the ability to defeat a tiger that is say, sticking half-out of a wall.

[some_stars]

I failed to consider this possibility, so I guess it would be at least marginally useful. Perhaps the ad was not a scam after all!

[brownbetty]

Not a scam, just offering an extremely particular service!

[brownbetty]

Although, you know, I'd be more impressed if it claimed to enable me to lick my weight in chihauhaus. Those guys are vicious.

[some_stars]

And you'd have so many more of them to deal with!

[brownbetty]

Well, exactly! And a tiger only has five pointy ends, three if we're dealing with half a tiger (two, if we're dealing with the back half) but my weight in chihauhas, I don't even want to think about.

[sparkymonster]

One thing I loved about "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" was the fake ads in the back. I ended up buying single issues instead of the TPB for that reason.