ruined for polite society

[some_stars]

At yoga class tonight--the beginner's class as usual--the instructor was introducing some very basic breathing exercises. We spent several minutes doing them, and afterward he asked us all to examine how we felt now after "a little breathplay."

I managed to only snicker a tiny bit, and then spent the ensuing savasana thinking about the porn I want to write, after finishing this current fic, which will have a great deal of non-yogic breathplay in it. (I pretty much always think about fic in savasana these days. Actual meditation is much too tenuous a proposition when I'm that much in my body and especially lying on my back; it usually ends in confused tears.)

Comments

[rydra_wong]

Actual meditation is much too tenuous a proposition when I'm that much in my body and especially lying on my back; it usually ends in confused tears.

Yeah. Been there.

[some_stars]

Your giant post on exercising while crazy helped me put words to many vague feelings! Like, I do think mindfulness in general, as much as the whole concept tends to make me grind my teeth, is useful for most (not all) people, and meditation has some pretty solid clinical studies behind it. But I need mindfulness of the kind where you're DOING something, preferably with your body, and you're fully mindful/in the moment about what you're doing and how your body's responding. I can't just be mindful about...me, that way lies chaos.

This is why I also hate flowing yoga, because it prevents mindfulness, for me. I need to get into the asana, take however long I need to become confident in my alignment, and then be there and feel what's happening to my body. I would hold downward dog for thirty seconds every time if the instructor let me; back when I was in shape and had been doing yoga for over a year, I'd hold it for a couple minutes. Because that's what makes it feel GOOD. (For me.) I recently ordered a book that was basically "yoga practices for 5/15/30/etc. minutes, whatever time you have/want to spend" and apparently this person's idea of a 15 minute practice has SIXTY-ONE steps. Not all of these steps are poses, some are in-between stages, but a LOT of them are asanas and apparently you're supposed to get into them instantly and spend maybe 15 seconds there, tops. It's completely bizarre and I can't imagine anything more stressful.

--relatedly, and not to just unload ALL MY YOGA ISSUES on you out of nowhere, but--I also ordered a copy of Yin Yoga, and I'm kind of intensely disappointed in it because it's so advanced. The poses he lists/suggests are supposed to be held for several minutes with the muscles relaxed, but that can only happen if you're able to get into them as completely deeply as the model, and be comfortable there. There's no mention of props at all. I mean, it can be a book for people who are already experts in regular yoga, that's fine, but it wasn't advertised that way, you know? I was hoping for poses that created passive stretches, especially connective tissue stretches like he talks about in the introductory part of the book, but none of these poses are passive unless you've pretty much mastered regular non-yin yoga.

so uh, that really...had nothing to do with anything, sorry, I just have been wanting to say it and now I have. That's all. (Possibly I should just stick to stuff explicitly labeled Iyengar from now on, since the school I was first/am still mostly taught (Anusara) appears to be basically Iyengar as filtered through SO MANY HIPPIES. Which I love.)

[rydra_wong]

Hrm. I wonder if you might find the Yin Yoga DVD more accessible? IIRC, the students demonstrating range from the super-flexible to the not-particularly flexible, and show quite a few modifications and variations.

Next time I watch it, I'll try to remember to keep an eye on that aspect of it and report back.

[some_stars]

that may be! I was just--nearly all of the poses he describes would require at least some sustained muscular effort for me to stay in them, and many of them would require quite a bit of it. Possibly I'm just channeling all my bitterness into feeling betrayed by this book, IDK. Also I don't really do yoga DVDs--unless I'm actually in a class, someone telling me what to do in real time always ends up annoying me. ...I sound like the crabbiest person IN THE WORLD, don't I? I'm usually very relaxed and happy about yoga, I swear. *g*

[rydra_wong]

I sound like the crabbiest person IN THE WORLD, don't I?

*snerks* You're talking to someone who once went through an entire yoga class (the one with the Bad Teacher I mentioned previously) fueled by a cheery internal monologue about how very, very much I hated the teacher and wanted her to die.

FWIW, I do know a lot of modifications/variations for various yoga poses, so if you name some of the poses that are not working for you, I could dredge my memory (or the DVD) for possibilities?

[laurajv]

I can't actually do savasana. (But Laura, it's just lying on your back.) CANNOT DO IT. I always fold my arms in and rest my hands on my torso. Something about the pose makes me very jumpy and agitated.

[some_stars]

I used to be totally fine in it and even meditated properly, 10 years ago and, most of the time, five years ago. Now it's just...not safe. I think it's that it's actually a little bit of a chest stretch, if you have the usual modern-life condition of being curled forward most of the time, so it creates the same feeling of other chest openers/"lifting the heart" poses, which is: being exposed. (I imagine you might also get this with the pelvic area, but that's not an issue for me personally.) And also, just, muscle tension in my chest sets off associations.

So that plus the direction to lie there eyes closed, being completely aware of every feeling in my body and not letting my mind drift (except they phrase it much more mindfully than that of course)...it's a bad scene.