fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2011-06-25 03:04 pm
some_stars) wrote2011-06-25 03:04 pm
(no subject)
sent out another futile application for a part-time retail job, made an appointment request with university career services, attempted to set up an Americorps profile and discovered that you have to enter two references (who are then emailed and presumably have to go to the site and verify themselves) before you can apply for any positions. like, it literally doesn't let you apply if you have only one, at least this is what i gathered before closing the tab and ceasing all efforts for the day because fuck everything, seriously.
that career counseling appointment is going to be goddamn horrible, also, i can tell already. every single thing about highly desirable corporate jobs makes me want to kill myself just thinking about it. it's not even the idealistic meaningful kind of aversion, just all the adjectives and buzzwords and expectations that those jobs entail are like a batch of flashing neon signs saying THIS JOB WILL LITERALLY DRIVE YOU TO SUICIDE. if only i had any actual skills and also my brain weren't broken.
honestly, i WANT a part-time retail job. i've done it, i can do it, it doesn't hurt me too much. after some months when i felt more competent i'd like a full-time retail job. not for the rest of my life but right now, i want to do something that i know i can do. i also don't want to do something that i know i CAN'T do, not for more than a few weeks and not without becoming semi-suicidal. i also want to live in a culture less destructively insane about work and disability, and maybe even a culture where i could honestly explain my limitations to an employer without ruining any chance of ever getting hired, so that if i did get hired i wouldn't have to be panicking every single second and ignoring said limitations until i can't and they overtake me and i have to quit completely. i also want my entire life to date not to have been deformed by mental illness and all my many flaws to the point where i'm almost 27 and utterly unemployable, with no meaningful experience at anything and no skills useful to anyone. and while i'm at it i also want a pony, which is by far the more achievable option.
that career counseling appointment is going to be goddamn horrible, also, i can tell already. every single thing about highly desirable corporate jobs makes me want to kill myself just thinking about it. it's not even the idealistic meaningful kind of aversion, just all the adjectives and buzzwords and expectations that those jobs entail are like a batch of flashing neon signs saying THIS JOB WILL LITERALLY DRIVE YOU TO SUICIDE. if only i had any actual skills and also my brain weren't broken.
honestly, i WANT a part-time retail job. i've done it, i can do it, it doesn't hurt me too much. after some months when i felt more competent i'd like a full-time retail job. not for the rest of my life but right now, i want to do something that i know i can do. i also don't want to do something that i know i CAN'T do, not for more than a few weeks and not without becoming semi-suicidal. i also want to live in a culture less destructively insane about work and disability, and maybe even a culture where i could honestly explain my limitations to an employer without ruining any chance of ever getting hired, so that if i did get hired i wouldn't have to be panicking every single second and ignoring said limitations until i can't and they overtake me and i have to quit completely. i also want my entire life to date not to have been deformed by mental illness and all my many flaws to the point where i'm almost 27 and utterly unemployable, with no meaningful experience at anything and no skills useful to anyone. and while i'm at it i also want a pony, which is by far the more achievable option.
no subject