fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2011-03-09 04:12 am
some_stars) wrote2011-03-09 04:12 am
this icon has never been so appropriate
this paper is now 13.5 pages. I'm almost done, and it's looking to be about 15.5 pages when I finish. This is more than twice as long as the assigned maximum length(it's supposed to be 4-7 pages), which I realize is a TERRIBLE thing to do to my professor, but I just could not figure out how to cut it down without starting over with a whole new thesis. And that would seriously make me break down and quit school for the fourth time, so instead I just hurled myself through this fucking monster of an idea chunk by chunk--a process that eventually required the misuse of prescription medication to accomplish, so it's not like I'm under the illusion that this is an awesome strategy to be proud of--and I will have to apologize a LOT when I finally turn it in. If she'll even take it at this length.
(Said misuse being I took an extra ADD pill tonight because I fucking could not get going, and it worked beautifully. Fortunately I can't make a habit of this because I actually need them every morning and there's no automatic refills since it's a schedule 2, so if I started running out early I would have to explain myself to my psychiatrist. But oh my god, I absolutely understand why people abuse these. I feel like a normal person whose brain doesn't try to sabotage them at every turn, it's amazing.)
(Going up on my normal dose is not an option, since we tried that a few months ago and although it did kickstart my writing after a years-long dry spell, it also gave me terrifying cardiac side effects which are probably not worth it. Probably.)
(Honestly if my life had gone even slightly differently, I'd be addicted to like eighteen different substances at this point and probably in jail.)
(Said misuse being I took an extra ADD pill tonight because I fucking could not get going, and it worked beautifully. Fortunately I can't make a habit of this because I actually need them every morning and there's no automatic refills since it's a schedule 2, so if I started running out early I would have to explain myself to my psychiatrist. But oh my god, I absolutely understand why people abuse these. I feel like a normal person whose brain doesn't try to sabotage them at every turn, it's amazing.)
(Going up on my normal dose is not an option, since we tried that a few months ago and although it did kickstart my writing after a years-long dry spell, it also gave me terrifying cardiac side effects which are probably not worth it. Probably.)
(Honestly if my life had gone even slightly differently, I'd be addicted to like eighteen different substances at this point and probably in jail.)