i need some girl on girl icons, clearly

[some_stars]

SANTANA IS TOTALLY DESTROYING ME RIGHT NOW. Also Brittany. I watched the Brittana scenes over and cried, and read what little B/S fic I have bookmarked and cried, and I just want to stare at Naya Rivera's perfect face forever, except I also want to read ALL THE BRITTANA, all the melodramatic tearjerking Brittana forever, in which confessional songs are sung in front of everyone (...LIKE IN CANON, NEVER GETTING OVER IT) and passionate trembling kisses are exchanged in front of everyone (not like in canon...yet) and they cling together after sex and cry and talk about how much they love each other, and sex is described as ~coming home~ and it's always perfect and they wake up the next morning wrapped in each other's arms and staring into each other's eyes and then they get MARRIED. I don't even know who I AM right now.

Just, it's such an intensely powerful story for me, Santana taking months to face up to her feelings and finally dealing with them even though it's so, so hard and scary, and reaching out and begging Brittany to love her, and she does but it's not enough. And if she hadn't taken so long, if she'd let Brittany reach out to her instead of shutting her down back in 2x04, they could have been together, and just. SO PAINFUL. SO PERFECT. Assuming, of course, they eventually do get together and experience FOREVER LOVE. (Or, well, for-at-least-half-a-season love, this is Glee after all.)

ugh, I'm all like OMG I SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING and all I can think right now--I'm imagining Santana calling Brittany's phone super late, a little drunk but not really, not nearly enough, and leaving a message that starts as a rambling apology with detours into angry and then she ends up singing "Come to My Window" except she chokes up, but keeps going and then the message runs out. BECAUSE BRITTANY WANTED HER TO SING IT. SO SHE WILL. SHE'LL DO IT. you guys, I don't know where this shit is even coming from, since when does my brain work like this. BUT IT IS ALL I WANT RIGHT NOW.

--oh fuck my life, I just figured out the next scene and it's actually a story now. NOT WRITING IT TONIGHT, TOO MUCH TO DO, MUST WAIT FOR THE WEEKEND

Comments

[weaver]

when you write this, jsyk, i will READ. THE. FUCK. OUT. OF. IT.

HAVING ALL THE FEELINGS ABOUT SANTANA AND BRITTANY RIGHT NOW OMFG

[some_stars]

I didn't think I was going to write it because I was like "...well what the fuck happens when Brittany checks her voicemail, I DON'T KNOW" and then I realized I DO know(shocking spoilers: it involves people talking about their feelings), so now it's just a question of if I can get it done this weekend before the next episode airs.

ALL THE FEELINGS. FEELINGS I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED. OMGGGGGGG

[weaver]

I THOUGHT I WAS ONLY WATCHING GLEE FOR KURT.

BUT NO. NO. NOW I AM WATCHING IT FOR BRITTANA. AND KURT AND LAUREN. BUT MOSTLY BRITTANA RIGHT NOW.

I SEEM TO HAVE GOT MY CAPSLOCK KEY STUCK ON. AHHHHHHH

[some_stars]

I KNOW I KNOW EXACTLY. like--I'm not really identifying with Santana (or Brittany), my experience was much more like Kurt's despite the gender difference(although with much, much less active cruelty and bullying). I came out to myself in sixth grade and never felt bad or conflicted about it, just lonely. I certainly never had girlfriend-related coming-out drama, since I never had a girlfriend or fell in love with anyone.

AND YET. AND YET. This story is fucking piercing me to my soul more than any M/F relationship covering super-similar ground has ever done. BECAUSE IT IS GIRLS, ON MY SCREEN, IN LOVE, BEING ALL QUEER AT EACH OTHER AND CRYING AND SHIT. I knew it would mean a lot to me but I had no IDEA just how much.

[weaver]

YES. I think this is it. It's GIRLS BEING IN LOVE. On TV. And it's not A BIG WEIRD THING it's just Santana and Brittany having FEELINGS about each other and admitting that these feelings exist and and and ----- I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

Glee is a terrible, terrible show and most of the time I wish it never existed. BUT I STILL WATCH IT and right now I am rewatching all the Brittana bits and skimming the rest because omg. GIRLS HAVING FEELINGS ABOUT EACH OTHER.