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Oct. 15th, 2019 06:42 pmso my first batch of weed brownies was a roaring success, and it turns out i've been having some pretty bad and omnipresent nausea that i kind of didn't notice anymore? until i was able to actually want food and enjoy eating again, which is like a fucking miracle. not so great is that now i'm really extremely conscious of how bad my stomach feels the rest of the time. i'm on some nausea medication as of a few days ago but i still threw up after lunch today so who knows if that's helping, or at least, if it's lasting. i THINK it's helping right after taking it at least, bc it's easier to take my large pill that i have to take with food each morning, but, again, i definitely threw up today for absolutely no reason. so, ugh.
still, it's ALMOST all worth it for how unbelievably mind-meltingly GOOD whatever i crave tastes when i eat it while high. like, i had a spiritual experience with some donuts last week. just regular shipley donuts but they changed my life. also i can really enjoy music when high! which is another thing i lost, like, 90% of in the Great Depression Metamorphosis of late 2016. AND i can have emotions when high at like 50% strength instead of 5%. sadly weed did not give me my sexual feelings back, but i suppose we can't have everything in this life, and 3/4 is not too bad.
(i also have a dropper bottle full of pure CBD oil, but squirting the fluid under my tongue and holding it there to be absorbed.....triggers my nausea. whoops.)
anyway this is giving me very mild hope that when i finally get to try the ketamine nasal spray sometime next year (hopefully) it might actually help? bc clearly i still have, like, the mental pathways to feel good and want things and enjoy things. they're in there SOMEWHERE. so i'm gonna throw ketamine at them until they succumb.
still, it's ALMOST all worth it for how unbelievably mind-meltingly GOOD whatever i crave tastes when i eat it while high. like, i had a spiritual experience with some donuts last week. just regular shipley donuts but they changed my life. also i can really enjoy music when high! which is another thing i lost, like, 90% of in the Great Depression Metamorphosis of late 2016. AND i can have emotions when high at like 50% strength instead of 5%. sadly weed did not give me my sexual feelings back, but i suppose we can't have everything in this life, and 3/4 is not too bad.
(i also have a dropper bottle full of pure CBD oil, but squirting the fluid under my tongue and holding it there to be absorbed.....triggers my nausea. whoops.)
anyway this is giving me very mild hope that when i finally get to try the ketamine nasal spray sometime next year (hopefully) it might actually help? bc clearly i still have, like, the mental pathways to feel good and want things and enjoy things. they're in there SOMEWHERE. so i'm gonna throw ketamine at them until they succumb.
