fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2009-08-07 03:16 am
some_stars) wrote2009-08-07 03:16 am
(no subject)
JFC THIS WEEK SUCKED. except for an awesome adorable package from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lesstraveled. BUT THE REST OF IT, GODDAMN. i have therapy in a few hours, then to the post office to return some stuff, then...OH GOD I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO. school starts 8/24, i still don't even know my way around campus, parking is horrifying and confusing, i am putting on weight like it's my fucking job, i have to talk to eight million people on the phone, i have story ideas and i CAN'T WRITE THEM which is torment, both my cats are having health issues that i can do nothing about, i live in squalor, i've been doing way too much comfort-shopping, i desperately need a haircut...yeah okay that mostly covers it. at least the stuff that's easy to explain.
tomorrow/today i get my prescription for abilify. my very first antipsychotic! i've done 5 kinds of SSRI/SNRI/NDRI, one tricyclic way back in the day, benzos(my sweet beautiful klonopin how i love thee), mood stabilizers(a brief shot at lamictal for some reason--idk, i pretty much took whatever i was handed for a while there--and i actually got prescribed lithium once but only took one pill before i had a total breakdown that almost certainly had nothing to do with the lithium, but it freaked me out), and of course my trusty ritalin/concerta/adderall/etc. i think all i've got left are MAOIs, older antipsychotics, and barbiturates, which idk if they even count as a psychiatric drug anymore as nobody gives them to crazy people. AND MY BRAIN IS STILL BROKEN. it's kind of impressive.
also it is amazing how quickly and easily i have gotten used to asking my doctor, every time she suggests something new, "could i kill myself with thirty of these?" because, you know, it's a concern! which probably means i'll never be granted access to the sweet sweet gates of xanax or ativan or the other hard stuff. (you would be AMAZED how hard it is to kill yourself with benzodiazapenes. i mean, it's not at all out of reach, but you really have to put some effort into it and plan ahead.)
was that too grim? or still funny? I CAN'T TELL, okay, it's been a really unbelievably awful week.
lesstraveled. BUT THE REST OF IT, GODDAMN. i have therapy in a few hours, then to the post office to return some stuff, then...OH GOD I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO. school starts 8/24, i still don't even know my way around campus, parking is horrifying and confusing, i am putting on weight like it's my fucking job, i have to talk to eight million people on the phone, i have story ideas and i CAN'T WRITE THEM which is torment, both my cats are having health issues that i can do nothing about, i live in squalor, i've been doing way too much comfort-shopping, i desperately need a haircut...yeah okay that mostly covers it. at least the stuff that's easy to explain.tomorrow/today i get my prescription for abilify. my very first antipsychotic! i've done 5 kinds of SSRI/SNRI/NDRI, one tricyclic way back in the day, benzos(my sweet beautiful klonopin how i love thee), mood stabilizers(a brief shot at lamictal for some reason--idk, i pretty much took whatever i was handed for a while there--and i actually got prescribed lithium once but only took one pill before i had a total breakdown that almost certainly had nothing to do with the lithium, but it freaked me out), and of course my trusty ritalin/concerta/adderall/etc. i think all i've got left are MAOIs, older antipsychotics, and barbiturates, which idk if they even count as a psychiatric drug anymore as nobody gives them to crazy people. AND MY BRAIN IS STILL BROKEN. it's kind of impressive.
also it is amazing how quickly and easily i have gotten used to asking my doctor, every time she suggests something new, "could i kill myself with thirty of these?" because, you know, it's a concern! which probably means i'll never be granted access to the sweet sweet gates of xanax or ativan or the other hard stuff. (you would be AMAZED how hard it is to kill yourself with benzodiazapenes. i mean, it's not at all out of reach, but you really have to put some effort into it and plan ahead.)
was that too grim? or still funny? I CAN'T TELL, okay, it's been a really unbelievably awful week.