fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2009-05-20 09:49 am
some_stars) wrote2009-05-20 09:49 am
(no subject)
so i got fired! for being insufficiently chatty and smiley. like anyone didn't see THAT coming. then i did my traditional creepy stress behavior of counting all the pills in the house, which when you have two aged parents who share your mental illnesses can yield a freaking goldmine. then i took 6x my daily dose of klonopin, which is like the LD of a very small, old, sickly mouse, and slept for about 15 hours.
i'm not so much upset over losing the job as i am pissed off over how fucking impossible this will make it to get a new job. either i have a giant inexplicable hole in my resume or i have to put 'do not contact last employers' or i don't and then they call them and hear that i was fired for sucking and whichever way: NO JOB FOR ME, LOLOLOLOL.
i'm still planning to start school in the fall but moving out looks like a distant fading dream. the plan was that i would support myself for everything except rent(food, gas, prescriptions, random shit like shampoo and batteries and cat food and band-aids and etc) and without a summer of savings that is just not going to happen. and i'm too much of a fatty to sell myself for porn(for those of you who haven't seen me in person: trust me, this is not low-self-esteem speaking) and have no useful skills outside of retail/food service/other shit that pays $7.50/hr, none of which i can get now anyway.
in short: not suicidal, but really pissed-off and depressed like whoa. moral is, never trust a turn for the better because THEY ALWAYS END UP SHIT.
addendum for the worried, here are signs that i'm not suicidal:
1. my torrent of st:tos and ds9 is still going and i am FUCKED if i will die before i get to see those
2. i am but a year from a ~degree~ and i have the numbers in my phone for "administrators to call and beg for help sorting out your insane bureaucratic confusion of transfer rules" because, again, i would rather live than let those fuckers get the better of me
3. I HAVE NOT FINISHED WATCHING XENA, NOT EVEN SEASON 2. lucy lawless's thighs are like a living moving flexing argument against death.
4. i have to make it to thursday at LEAST so i can show up my therapist and her annoying optimism that was almost, ALMOST starting to win me over.
5. my parents just left for NYC for three weeks, and while i may be the worst of four daughters i'm not THAT horrible as to cut their trip short.
i'm not so much upset over losing the job as i am pissed off over how fucking impossible this will make it to get a new job. either i have a giant inexplicable hole in my resume or i have to put 'do not contact last employers' or i don't and then they call them and hear that i was fired for sucking and whichever way: NO JOB FOR ME, LOLOLOLOL.
i'm still planning to start school in the fall but moving out looks like a distant fading dream. the plan was that i would support myself for everything except rent(food, gas, prescriptions, random shit like shampoo and batteries and cat food and band-aids and etc) and without a summer of savings that is just not going to happen. and i'm too much of a fatty to sell myself for porn(for those of you who haven't seen me in person: trust me, this is not low-self-esteem speaking) and have no useful skills outside of retail/food service/other shit that pays $7.50/hr, none of which i can get now anyway.
in short: not suicidal, but really pissed-off and depressed like whoa. moral is, never trust a turn for the better because THEY ALWAYS END UP SHIT.
addendum for the worried, here are signs that i'm not suicidal:
1. my torrent of st:tos and ds9 is still going and i am FUCKED if i will die before i get to see those
2. i am but a year from a ~degree~ and i have the numbers in my phone for "administrators to call and beg for help sorting out your insane bureaucratic confusion of transfer rules" because, again, i would rather live than let those fuckers get the better of me
3. I HAVE NOT FINISHED WATCHING XENA, NOT EVEN SEASON 2. lucy lawless's thighs are like a living moving flexing argument against death.
4. i have to make it to thursday at LEAST so i can show up my therapist and her annoying optimism that was almost, ALMOST starting to win me over.
5. my parents just left for NYC for three weeks, and while i may be the worst of four daughters i'm not THAT horrible as to cut their trip short.