why must everything be ad absurdum?

[some_stars]

...I think the breastfeeding/infant discussion is completely ridiculous, though. YOU CAN'T BRING YOUR BABIES EVERYWHERE. Just wait a year or two, for fuck's sake. I mean, choosing to breastfeed only and without pumping is an awesome choice, but it's a CHOICE that you make that has CONSEQUENCES. You can't bring your baby to a fucking bar, either.

clarification: I am 1000% in favor of breastfeeding in public and I think it should be allowed in every place babies are allowed. I just don't think everywhere in the entire world needs to allow babies.

Comments

[merryish]

I think she's actually arguing that parenting comes with an entire host of responsibilities, rights, limitations, privileges, consequences, trade-offs, opportunities and opportunity-costs.

And one of those trade-offs is that you're attaching yourself to a kid full-time for a while, and there are some places that are not appropriate for children -- either because the environment itself would be disturbing for a baby or a child, or because the presence of a baby or a child would be disruptive to the core activity planned for the environment.

/popping in via links.

[jackandahat]

So very much this.

And while there's no need to be hyperbolic - I grew up as the child of a woman who felt motherhood shouldn't mean giving up anything. If she'd done it while she was single in high school, why shouldn't she be allowed to do it when she was a married mother? The consequences were not pretty. Now, I'm absolutely not saying "These women are like my mother", but I am saying that when you have to look after a kid, things should change. If you're not willing to accept that, why did you have a kid, bragging rights?

[gool_duck]

You are right. All the things you said are true.

I think there are also some things that are perceived to be too hard to accommodate when in practice they could be accommodated, and one of those is small babies and their mothers.

Keeping women locked up at home because there are places babies should not go, keeping mothers isolated from their friends because babies are always believed to be disruptive, that makes the world a less good place.

Each person is different: some babies will enjoy music and bright lights, some babies will need total quiet and no light-level changes. I hope that the babies' primary carer which is often by default their mother would be aware of this. Some babies do not mind loud noises and bright lights. Some babies are quiet and easily pacified, and a person who doesn't care about babies might not know they are there at all.

Each person is different, some parents will think of grizzling fussy babies as being disruptive, some will only think of crying and yelling as disruptive. There's room for clarifying things and extending consideration.

Each parent is different in that some have family to leave the baby with and some don't, some can afford childcare for a small baby and some can't, some can pump breastmilk and some - one in the comments here, even - can't, some can breastfeed and some can't. There are options open to some that are not open to others, or are bad options to others.

But the total rule being no, you have a baby, seeing friends and doing fannish things with friends is now closed off to you - I think that is wrong. I think it could be possible to accommodate a mother and a small baby.