fifty frenchmen can't be wrong (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
some_stars) wrote2022-08-22 06:10 pm
some_stars) wrote2022-08-22 06:10 pm
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In depression news: I've started the IV ketamine and it is INTENSE. like it absolutely sends me to the moon, not in a fun way exactly but it's mostly not totally miserable. it got miserable toward the end the first time because i got nauseous, which my high as fuck brain processed as sadness and distress for several minutes until it got strong enough that i realized it was physical (and then threw up on myself). but i'm wearing a scopolamine patch for the rest of my appointments so hopefully that won't happen again. it really is a weird and wildly intense experience...i started thinking about, like, old friends who i haven't talked to much in recent years and crying about how much i love them. not quite sure if i dissociated (as i am supposed to do, to get the benefits) but i sure as fuck wasn't present in a normal way. the IV part is a bit of a challenge for the period before the ketamine hits, because having a Thing In Me is VERY UPSETTING, but i coped with it okay. i'm told if it's going to work you usually see improvement after two treatments, so later this week i guess i will know if it's doing anything.
in kink news i'm coming off a fairly intense three week stretch of playing and/or going out twice a week, which was delightful and i miss it. i'm doing a pretty good job of reaching out to people and trying to build relationships--i have a date in a half hour, and i've been continuing to play with my friend the novice rope top, and i had a great time at the last party doing impact play with my usual impact play partner and also trying some grappling/takedown type play in which i got knocked over and sat on by an extremely attractive woman. i also tried an electrical toy and fell in love with it and now i own a violet wand and some attachments. my biggest goal rn is to find a more regular partner to top for impact play, because i love it SO much and it makes me so happy, and i would also love to find someone willing to do some D/s scenes with me, and i'm also trying to learn how to top for impact play and continuing to study rope not as intensely as i should. so it's going all right. not as fast as i would like, especially given the difficulty of my work schedule, but there is progress. and i can always use the e-stim toys on myself, at least.
in kink news i'm coming off a fairly intense three week stretch of playing and/or going out twice a week, which was delightful and i miss it. i'm doing a pretty good job of reaching out to people and trying to build relationships--i have a date in a half hour, and i've been continuing to play with my friend the novice rope top, and i had a great time at the last party doing impact play with my usual impact play partner and also trying some grappling/takedown type play in which i got knocked over and sat on by an extremely attractive woman. i also tried an electrical toy and fell in love with it and now i own a violet wand and some attachments. my biggest goal rn is to find a more regular partner to top for impact play, because i love it SO much and it makes me so happy, and i would also love to find someone willing to do some D/s scenes with me, and i'm also trying to learn how to top for impact play and continuing to study rope not as intensely as i should. so it's going all right. not as fast as i would like, especially given the difficulty of my work schedule, but there is progress. and i can always use the e-stim toys on myself, at least.