Oct. 3rd, 2013

some_stars: (kids! stay in school!)
The really frustrating thing about being so busy is that I am REALLY INTERESTED in the stuff that isn't bullshit! Even one of the million fucking group projects I find interesting! If I could eliminate the ~35% of the demands on my time and energy that are in fact pointless and stupid and utterly emptyheaded, I might actually be able to enjoy that group project and be more relaxed about it and focus on developing collaboration skills and learning to be more patient and just generally obtaining all the benefits one is supposed to get from group work, because it really is a pretty great group, but I don't have TIME for this.

So I'm sitting here losing my shit over what's going to happen when we finally get together for our second planning meeting, and how I'm going to keep everyone from wandering all the fuck over the place getting bogged down in mostly irrelevant details when we still don't have a general plan, how I'm going to stay calm and polite when people are being....people, just--and of course how to keep shit running smoothly, how to keep ninety minutes of precious time and brain energy from being utterly wasted, WITHOUT being a jerk. Getting everything right socially, and also just not...being a jerk, like, letting other people say stuff. Letting the whole process go forth and not obsessing over the end product. Except I don't trust the group to actually produce anything in the end without me constantly suggesting wild and unorthodox techniques like "planning what should happen before writing a script" and "actually figuring out what the other 2/3 of our fifteen minute presentation are going to be before settling in for detail work on the first third."

Basically: I HATE GROUP WORK. Two people, maybe three, yes, fine. I do not in fact have all the answers despite my charming demeanor, I want to learn from people. But once you get to four--my group has five--the time it takes to articulate, develop, choose, and execute even the simplest fucking idea imaginable goes up exponentially. And so a project that the professor probably assessed as taking maybe ten total hours ends up taking thirty or more, and all the while that same class is assigning more work and more projects, to say nothing of the other classes simultaneously doing THE EXACT SAME THING.

I just, I don't know, you guys, I genuinely can't see my way through to the end of this semester. There literally aren't enough hours in a day. But the only significant time sink I can choose to eliminate is the one that makes me the most excited and happy and intellectually stimulated. Also there's so much I want to READ, more books and articles by the authors of the readings I'm doing, the other 2/3 of this book from which only five chapters are assigned, the other books of a guy whose school memoir I just finished, all kinds of things. And the very notion is laughable.

Also fucking fuck god dammit I meant to go to bed before midnight tonight and clean the kitchen. Needless to say, neither of these things has occurred. Starting Monday I have to get up at six in the morning three days a week for the rest of the semester and I'm pretty sure it's going to kill me.
some_stars: (ph34r)
so this is something I should probably find out now, and not in several weeks: is it possible to vid from .mp4 files on a PC? Because if not, there's some shit I'm gonna have to track down...somehow.

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