let's find out how smart I am

So it is looking like I will likely have a job very soon--although it's not a sure thing yet--but I still feel kind of blah. I'm less than halfway through pulling clips for the next vid--and actually making that vid is all I feel like doing at the moment, but I hit some kind of rage saturation point and the thought of re-exposing myself to more and more of that show unless I'm in the process of recontextualizing it--even just going through frame by frame with the sound off--makes me so tired.

idkkkkk, I've just been tired and I got up SO early today to get the car fixed, and I've gotten so out of the habit of cooking and so reluctant to start again that I let my collard greens go bad in the fridge so I will not have any to eat tonight, and I just feel very flat. Incapable, like my limbs are all tangled together and I can't move them.

I think tonight I will read more of that always-a-girl HTTYD fic, that was making me happy. Perhaps I will post about it.



five hours later: ...OR I could suck it up and pull another ~75 clips, that also works? I don't understand my brain even a little bit.

I fiiiinally watched How to Train Your Dragon--I've been meaning to since it came out, and there's been vid after awesome vid and now there's another for Festivids and I gave in. My feelings are wildly mixed; there's pretty much not a single second that didn't make me go "YAY YAY YAY FOREVER" or "oh fuck you, fuck this, fuck everything." I mean, objectively not THAT much of the latter, or at least it wasn't as bad, compared to the last new animated kids' movie I tried to watch (Tangled, and it was completely fucking irredeemable). But my objectivity is long gone. Basically it was like this:

( spoilers )

have to go to the car dealership tomorrow and wait there for two hours while they decide whether it really needs the repair I got the recall notice about, then if it does they have to order the part and then I have to drop it off on Friday for half a day while they do it. You would think for such a critical recall ("the airbag might kill you") affecting so many cars they might have it on hand but I GUESS NOT.

soooooo I guess I'm going to get some reading done. TWO HOURS. Just to look at it. Also the website listed the wrong phone number so I had to leave a message with some random guy in sales so he could call me back and give me the right number, so they could put me on hold.

WHY am I getting a new vid idea, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. At least it's for a fandom I'm already working in. And it just happens to be a song I fell in love with a couple days ago, which tends to make me irrational, so probably in a week I'll realize it's totally wrong and won't have to do it. BUT SERIOUSLY, brain. Not cool.

You guys, not replying to comments is SO HARD. I have so many things to say!! :(

FESTIVIDS IS LIVE

and I GOT TWO VIDS, this makes two years in a row, have I just been really good or something? ...obviously not, so I must just be the luckiest girl in the world. Two PERFECT Mulan vids:

Ain't No Other Man
Okay, see, I request Mulan every year, and it's usually my only safety source because I don't really watch movies. But I watch Disney, and I love Mulan SO MUCH, and I think it's one of the most beautiful Disney movies--the style just really works for me--so, request. I don't think I was ever anticipating something like this, but clearly I should have been because IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. The summary is "Ain't no other man for Shang" and damn right there is not. And all the timing is perfect, and I giggled the entire way through and also felt Feelings. I am going to watch this every single day until reveals, and then I will watch it again but bigger and perfecter. GIVE ME STRENGTH, BOY, YOU'RE THE BEST.

Bloom in Adversity
So this vid is the complete opposite--closer to what I imagined when requesting Mulan, but I didn't really imagine how gorgeous this vid would be. Visually, of course; it makes full use of that amazing animation and I can't look away from it. But it's also so breathtaking because of all the emotional--everything, it makes me clutch my heart. I really love that it spends a lot of time on Mulan's life before and outside of Ping and fully develops that part of her life, emotionally. I love how the use of fades and cutting is tied organically to the music. I LOVE the music and it gives me all the feelings. ...okay I have to watch this one again too now, I am never going to get around to any of the other vids.

SO, you guys, watch them both, tell the vidders how awesome they are. And then watch the other 196 vids, because OMG FESTIVIDS.

So Lane Bryant used to send me those huge discount coupons (like $50 off $150) allll the time, like monthly, and I didn't use them, and now ALL my jeans have holes in unfashionable places and I have no coupon and not much money and literally nowhere else in the world to buy jeans that sort of vaguely fit. Might anyone have one they could spare?

ALSO I have five thousand words on my story and I am so happy. No tiresome details as it is not Thursday yet. Only DELIGHT. I keep thinking "okay good work, done for the night!" and then NO, ANOTHER SENTENCE.

I've just realized that my approach to writing plot is to basically treat it like a video game. "Okay, we start with them trapped in the heart of an enemy base. They have to find a way out of the room, talk to a local for clues, loot some bodies, and make it to the other end of the map to reach the next plot objective. How are we going to do this?"

Which I guess is better than freezing up and closing the document forever, but it feels rather charmless.

Okay, no more writing posts until...*checks calendar* Thursday, I promise. As always, anyone who wanted to read what I have so far and confirm to me that it exists in the world and is not entirely without merit would have my eternal gratitude.

(Also as always, I'm starting to talk like the TV I watch. Thank god for the corrective, less high-flown influence of Dead Like Me with my mom every evening, or this would be worse than when I binge-read every Sherlock Holmes story and talked like a badly-written Victorian for weeks. Let's not even get into what happens when I watch British TV.)

Today was remarkably good, aside from the fact that my parents and I are still hovering in an uneasy and temporary detente where they disapprove of my life but are giving me a chance to go to my next therapist appointment before demanding I change it. Things are in development there but not to the degree that I can talk about them yet, especially since I have no idea what will happen; it's all dependent on my parents' decision since it is, after all, their money paying for any of the options under consideration. This is an extremely anxious state to exist in but I did a good job of ignoring it today, for the most part. There were a couple bad hours mid-afternoon but I think I recovered okay.

( What I Did Today, by some_stars, age 27 )